With or Without You
by AngieSpeaks
Summary: Takes place after Christian finds out about the baby. Ana leaves after he tells her to take care of it.
1. Chapter 1

Christian doesn't want the baby, he said it himself he wants me to take care of it. It… he called our child it. There is only one thing to do, I have to leave, I have to change my name and my identity. I never want him to find me. The hurt he has caused is unforgivable. He has no idea what a miracle this baby is. I hear my phone start to buzz, shit its Dr. Green, I am just going to let it go to voicemail. I start packing essentials like jeans t-shirts and underwear. Just enough to fit in my duffel bag; I don't even pack my toothbrush, the lighter the better. I go to the safe in my closet and take out a hundred and fifty grand. This should get me through until I can find a job and get settled in a new city. I finish packing and walk out the front door. I turn around one last time and say goodbye to my past.

I get into my Audi and I know I have to get rid of this as soon as possible. Once Christian realizes I am gone he will turn the gps on, and surely he will have his bloodhounds out looking for me. I drive to Portland where I ditch the Audi. I think it's only appropriate to leave it in the Heathman parking garage. I need to get out of Portland as soon as possible. I find the nearest used car lot and buy the most reliable car I can find. I pay in cash and give a fake name; thank God this guy does things shady. I point the car east and head for the coast. I have always wanted to see Chicago maybe I will make a stop there. I drive for about three hours and start to feel hungry. I pull over and find a little diner. I stop in a small town and realize I am in control of my life. For the first time in such a long time I can choose what I want to eat where I want to go and I don't have to worry about anything. except for my phone. I get out of my new car and throw my phone as far as possible. I will no longer be under anyone's control, this is my life and I will live it how I see fit.

I grab the duffel bag and go into the diner. It is your typical greasy spoon. I find a booth and begin to read the menu. I choose a BLT and fries. "Hi welcome to Sander's. I'm Madeline can I get you something to drink?" All of sudden I have an urge for chocolate milk, "Yes a chocolate milk please, and I am ready to order." She takes out her pad of paper pen, "Oh would you like to know the soup of the day?" She is right I have to save as much money as possible right now, "Yes please." I need to start eating cheap. " Today's soup is vegetable noodle, and beef barley." Mmmm beef barley," I will take the beef barely, please." She taps the pen against the pad, "Will that be all?" I look up and realize she is about my age and her belly is swollen. She has her long brown hair in a braid over her shoulder and she has emerald-green eyes. "Yes that will be it. Can I ask you something?" She smiles, "Of course what can I do for you?" I swallow hard, "Would you care to join me? I hate eating alone and there isn't anyone else here?" She shrugs her shoulders, "Sure let me go get your soup." She turns and I look out the window I contemplate what I am going to do next. All I know is I have to get as far away from Christian Grey as possible.

"Here is your soup, I also brought some rolls. Johnny back in the kitchen just pulled them out of the oven so they are still warm." I grab the bread and drop it right away, "You weren't lying they are still warm." She shakes her head at me, "So what brings you to this crapshoot?" I look down and taste my soup, "Um nothing much just headed to the east coast." She sits back in the booth, "You are going to the east coast?" Her eyes widen when she says east coast, "Yes I want to see the other Portland." We both laugh and I finish my soup. "Would it be a problem if I got a turkey sandwich to go? I really don't want to stop until I have to sleep." She gets up, "Not a problem." I sit back with my head against the booth and gently pat where I think the baby is, "All set here is your check and I can take that when ever you are ready." She leans down and whispers, "Are you running from something?" I just look at her and shrug, "No just my past." She pats my shoulder and I pull out some cash. My total bill was $8.95 I leave her $11.00. "Thank you. Have a good day." She looks past me and I turn to look out the window. "Shit…do you have a back entrance I can use?" She looks confused, "Yes. Wait here is my number please let me know when you get to where you are going, and here take my car its parked in the back." She hands me her car keys and I hand her mine, "Madeline, thank you and please if they come in here I was never here. Please." She shakes her head, "Just go and take care of yourself." Something makes me hug her and I leave.

I get into her car well my car and head as far away from that diner as possible. I drive until I hit Idaho. I find a little motel and pull in; I just want a hot shower and bed. I only reserve the room for four hours, until I reach where I want to go I will only get motel rooms so I can shower. I can sleep in my car if I have to. I finish showering and lay in bed. I just want to close my eyes but I can't. I keep thinking about Christian. Maybe I over reacted. My subconscious starts to yell at me, "Anastasia Steele, he wanted you to have an abortion, you are protecting the life of your child. Get a grip." Leave it to her to smack me back into reality.

I finally fall asleep and what feels like right away the phone rings. I look at the clock ugg four hours already shit. I need to get dressed and back on the road. I also need to get a new phone and start finding out where I can get a new identity. I need to get one soon. Otherwise Christian will be on my trail. It is about 15 hours to South Dakota. I have to figure out where I am going to stay. I do need a new phone and some vitamins. I think they sell prenatal vitamins at Wal-Mart. I need to be healthy for my child. I pull over and find myself in front of a little coffee shop. I am getting hungry, and it can't be that expensive. Its been two days since I left Seattle, by this point my mom knows what is going on and so does the rest of the Greys. Oh well I will write my mother a letter once I get settled where ever I plan on staying. Everything is so up in the air right now. Shoot I could go to New Orléans or even London. I can go anywhere. I will raise this baby on my own and I will make sure they have everything need. I have an education and I will use it.

3 months later.

It's been three months since I left Seattle. I still have Christian's picture on my night table. I finally settled on a small town by Cape Cod. I am officially Ana Sanders I found a man in Chicago who helped me acquire a new identity. I am already in my second trimester. I finally felt the baby move, I have a lovely little apartment that I have set up for when baby s hits the runway. I work in a small family owned bookstore stocking and selling books. The owners Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins are very good to me. I have a few friends here Molly is my neighbor and Jess is her sister. These two women have been my rock through this pregnancy. Molly has two kids and helped me find a doctor, today I have check up to make sure baby s is ok.

"Annie are you ready to go? We are going to be late." Molly is outside my door, she is going with me, and she has been my go to person through this whole pregnancy. I open the door and she is standing there with her hands on her hips, "Let's go lady we don't want to keep the doctor waiting, plus this time I get to hear the little one's heart beat." I grab my thrift store bag and lock up. "Oh Annie are coming on Friday to watch chick flicks and eat junk food?" I start the car up answer her, "Well I will watch the chick flicks but I don't know about the junk food." I keep my eyes on the road," Ok I will give you that but you have to try the cheesecake I am making. I will also be making roasted chicken so you have to come for dinner. Plus Jake and the kids would love if you came for dinner. Jake is leaving on business right after so it will be just you me and the girls." I smile at the thought of watching movies with Molly's girls. They are just the sweetest little girls. "Oh really of course I will be there. I will bring the sides how does that sound and where is Jake going this time." I can see Molly roll her eyes, "I dunno he has to do business with some big shot ceo in Seattle and as far you bringing the sides you can as long as it is that fabulous mac n cheese you make." Oh Gail how I miss you, every time I make mac n cheese I think of you, " Of course I will make mac n cheese. Did Jake say the name of the CEO he is meeting with?" I starts to rain as Molly answers, "Ya something Grey…" I swerve and Molly yells, "Holy shit Annie, what is wrong with you?" I shake my head and apologize, "I am so sorry are you ok." Molly is still grabbing her chest, "Yes I am ok. Annie aren't you from the Seattle area?"

I pull the car over and open the door, I literally just make it out of the car before I vomit all over the place. "Oh Annie, are you still getting morning sickness?" I wipe my mouth with the napkin she gives me, "When is Jake due back?" She looks at me confused, "I think in about a week. Why?" I shake my head again, "No reason just wondering. Ask him if he can take a picture of the skyline for me. I miss it." I want my child to see just how beautiful that city really is. One day hopefully we can go back there. Not to be with Christian but to live our own life.

We pull into the doctor's office parking lot and I just sit there, "Annie are you ok?" I snap back to reality, "Ya I am ok, just thinking." She pats my arm, "You are thinking about him again aren't you?" I nod and wipe my eyes, "I just…I don't know…some days are better than other." She reaches over and hugs me, "C'mon lets go hear this baby's heart beat." I smile and get out of the car. She is right I get to hear my little blip's heart beat.

I sign in and the nurse calls my name, "Molly are you coming?" Molly jumps right up and walks into the room with me. "Wait I will stand out here until you get changed into the gown." I laugh at her and enter the room. The nurse takes my blood pressure and weighs me and writes some notes. I slip the gown on and wait for the doctor. Molly follows Dr. Moore into the room, "Ms. Saunders how are we feeling?" I shrug, "Ok I guess I wish baby S would move more but I guess all in due time." I lie back on the table and Dr. Moore measures my belly, "Right on track you are measuring at 21 weeks, now lets hear this little one's heart beat." The doctor presses the wand on my belly and we all wait and wait and wait. Finally the doctor takes the wand off my belly, "Annie I want you to get to the hospital, we need to get an ultrasound, I can not find the baby's heartbeat." I shoot right up. I think I am going to be sick. No this is not happening my baby is alive he has to be. "What are you saying?" I look to Molly and she has tears falling from her eyes, "Molly, what is going on? Dr. Moore why is this happening what is going on?" The doctor turns to Molly and back to me, "Annie, I can't find the baby's heartbeat. I need you to get to the hospital, I am calling the hospital right after I leave this room. Now I need you to get dressed and get to labor and delivery. We need see why we can't hear a heart beat." I am in shock I just nod my head. Molly leaves the room with the doctor. I get dressed and meet Molly at the front desk. I hand her my keys, "Drive I can't and I really don't want to right now."

We get into the car and head straight for the hospital, "Everything is going to be fine I just know it." I tell Molly. God I want Christian here with me. As much as I don't want him around me that is as much as I do. I close my eyes until we get to the hospital. I just hope Dr. Moore is wrong I need this baby. With out this baby I have nothing to live for. Lord please make my baby ok, I beg you. I look out the window and start to sob, "Why is this happening to me? Why is God doing this to me? I need this baby, this baby needs me please God." I hold my stomach and start to rock back and forth in my seat. Molly rests her hand on my back and rubs small circles, "Annie everything will be ok, I am here and I am not going anywhere, you are not alone in this. We will find out what is going on. Now I need you to take a few deep breathes and relax. This isn't good for the baby. You need to find your Zen place. Breathe in and out." I start breathing the way Molly is coaching me. I finally calm myself and start breathing normal again.

We walk through the main hospital doors and are greeted by an older woman with white hair, "Hello can I help you?" She is so sweet and grandmother like that I instantly feel relief begin to rush over me, "Yes I need to go to labor and delivery. They are expecting me." She hands us passes and tells Molly where to go. "Hey you know I could get used to you pushing me around in this thing." I joke, "Ya well don't get too used to it cause honey it happening unless you really need it." We both laugh, "Hey Molly, thank you for everything. I don't know what I would have done with out you and your sister. You guys are my family and I love you." I can hear her sniffle behind me, "Ok enough Saunders stop getting all sentimental on me."

We arrive at labor and delivery and they immediately whisk me off to a room where I am told to undress put another gown on. The nurse comes in and hooks me up to a fetal monitor and before she turns it on I ask, "Can you send my friend in before you turn that on? I just don't want to not hear my child's heart beat with out her." Tears start to form as she agrees, "Thank you." Thirty seconds later Molly is in the room holding my hand and the nurse flips the machine on. We wait and wait then the nurse rearranges the monitor that's when we hear the subtle swooshing of my little one's heartbeat. "Thank you, thank you God." Tear of joy stream down my face. Molly instantly hugs me, "I told you he was going to be ok!" We both laugh and hug each, "My baby is alive." The nurse comes back into the room, "Ms. Saunders, Dr. Moore called she wants you to stay the night just for observation." I look at Molly and back to the nurse, "Ok not a problem I will sign and fill out whatever you need me to do."

Molly gets up to stretch her legs she has been her with me all night. "You didn't have to stay with me I would have been ok." She turns and shoots me a shut your mouth look, "Listen to me I was not leaving you, plus I would have worried all night about and my little peanut. Anyways, you are leaving in a few hours and I have to drive you home." She walks over to me and sits on the edge of the bed, "And what are friends for?" I grab her hand and squeeze it. "I love you, seriously you are the sister I never had." The nurse comes in and hands me my discharge papers, "Doctor said to take it easy and she wants you back in her office in two weeks." I sign the discharge papers and hand them back to her, "Thank you." I turn to Molly, "Get me home I want to sleep in my own bed."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Its been a three days since my last appointment with Dr. Moore, and I feel great the baby feels great he is actually moving a lot now. I have to go to Molly's house tonight, I told her I would make mac n cheese, and something else I just don't know what. I put the teakettle on and start getting ready for work. I have to go into the bookstore today and place an order. We are actually very busy even though we are just a small bookstore. The people in this town are loyal to their small businesses. I hope to one day open my own bookstore where people can come and read and maybe even get a cup of coffee or tea. I want there to be big comfy couches and chairs and book clubs…. "Whoa Steele you are getting ahead of yourself." I shake my head my damn subconscious raining on my parade again.

I put on my black and white poka-dot maternity dress and black flats. I prepare my morning tea decaf English breakfast tea and head out the door. I get into the car Madeline let me have and start the 10 minute drive to the store. When I get there I am greeted by Mrs. Jenkins she runs to the door and holds it open for me, "Why are you driving? You shouldn't be driving, you were just in the hospital." This woman has become like a mother to me, "Mrs. Jenkins, I am ok and so is the baby. I promise if I thought differently I would have had someone drive me in." She folds her arms, "Ok as long as you take breaks and rest when you need to, ok?" I smile sweetly; this woman has no idea what her and her husband mean to me, "Mrs. Jenkins I promise, I will rest when I need to, and I will take it easy." She presses her lips into a thin line, "Ok Ana now get to work." She laughs and hugs me, "I am just so happy you and the baby are ok. I can't wait to have a little one running around the store again. You know when Ben was a baby I brought him to work everyday, I would like to offer you the same thing." I am elated she said she would let me bring the baby to work with me, "Oh Mrs. Jenkins you have no idea how happy that makes me. I am honored you will allow me to do that." I hug the woman standing in front me, and I start to cry, these damn hormones, "Oh Annie, you are like a daughter to me and this baby well this baby is already like my grandchild. God brought you into my life after he took Ben home. Ben was our only child and when he died a part of me died with him, but since you have come into our lives you and this baby have brought life back into our lives. So yes I want you to make sure you have everything you need here for when the baby comes." I hug and thank her.

Working at the bookstore is wonderful. I never thought in a million years I could be as happy as I am. Am I poor not quit but is money tight, oh without a doubt. I laugh to myself of if Christian could see me now, dressed in hand me down maternity clothes, and payless shoes, he would just flip. I am finally free of all the drama and I have peace. No more cameras following me, no one telling me who I can see, no one controlling me…but when all is said and done I miss him. I miss the man I fell in love with, the kind, loving man, who only wanted to make me. I will always care about him, he is the father of my child, but am I in love with him, no not this Christian, not the man who told me to take care of "it". My back is turned to the door and I hear the bell ring, "I will be right with you." I turn and a familiar young man is standing at the front desk, "Hi, can I help you?" I smile warmly, I can tell he is nervous, "Um yaw…can you show me where the self-help books are?" I walk from behind the counter and motion him to follow me, "Right this way sir, anything in particular you are looking for?" Just then he grabs my arm, "Excuse me? What are you doing?" He let's go of my arm, "Don't play with me Anastasia Steele, you know who I am." I stand back and act confused, "No sir I don't know what you are talking about my name is Annie." I do know who he is; he was one of my best friends back in College. Jose Rodriguez, "Anastasia, do you know how worried we all have been?" He looks down and realizes I am pregnant, "Holy shit you're pregnant too? Does Grey even know?" I keep the puzzled look on my face, "I am sorry I am not who you think I am, now what type of self-help are you looking for?" Jose turns and walks away. It takes everything in me not to stop him and tell him everything that has happened. "Never mind I…I will be back." and he walks out the door.

"Annie who was that?" A scruffy voice calls from behind me, "No one Mr. Jenkins. Everything is ok." He comes up and puts his hand on my shoulder, "Annie that wasn't…" I turn and chuckle, "No sir, just a man looking for his lost friend." He inhales and walks away. I continue to finish up my work and realize its time to eat. "Mrs. Jenkins, I am going to go to lunch is that ok?" She pops her head out from the back of the stock room, "Of course dear, make sure you eat something healthy for that baby." I reply with a chuckle, "Of course no need to worry about that."

I make my way to my favorite bistro and get my usual, soup and half a sandwich. I sit down with my lunch and start to check my email, nothing exciting anymore. I start to write my list for the grocery store. After the grocery store I think I am going to get my long brown haircut and colored, I am thinking maybe red. The doctor said it would be safe to do and now with Jose' coming into the bookshop and Jake's company doing business with Grey House I cant take any chances. I don't want Grey to find me. I happy in my life, my simple life and nothing will change that. I finish making my grocery list and finish my lunch. My lunch is almost over, but before I leave I buy three cream puffs, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins love these.

"I'm back!" I yell from the front door, "Oh Annie did you have a good lunch?" I hand Mr. Jenkins the white paper bag, "Yes it was good and I brought you and Mrs. Jenkins a surprise." He peeks into the bag, "Oh Annie, you shouldn't have." I shrug my shoulders it's the least I can do for them, "You guys are so good to me, and I should surprise you now and then." He smiles and yells for Mrs. Jenkins who sees the bag and scolds me, "You are supposed to be saving money for my little prince or princess." I put my bag down and tell her the same thing I told Mr. Jenkins. "Like I told Mr. Jenkins, you two are too good to me, I should be able to surprise you now and then, so enjoy the cream puffs with your afternoon coffee." I turn and start to finish up my work, Mrs. Jenkins comes over and gives me a hug, "I'm sorry Annie, it's just I want you and the baby to have a good life. I worry about you two all the time, please don't be offended." I wipe the tears from my eyes and pull back, "I'm not offended I understand, it's just I wanted you guys to have a little something with your coffee. Look, I even bought one for myself." She releases me and pats my growing belly, "Ok then. You can surprise me when ever you would like." She leaves and I hear her call for Mr. Jenkins.

I finally look at my phone and it is already 4 o'clock, wow this day flew by, time to get to the grocery store and start the mac n cheese. I finish at the grocery store and make my appointment at the salon I normally go to. When I told them what I wanted to do they almost flipped out, but I told them this is what I want so just do it. I go back tomorrow and get it done. Molly is going to freak out she loves my long hair. I get back to my apartment, its modest very eclectic. It is kind of a mix match of different things. I have come to love thrift stores and garage sales. I have bought all of it; I did use some of the money I took from the safe, hell that was my salary at Grey publishing. I used that to hold me over until I found the bookstore. When I started working there I put the rest of the money away for the baby. His father doesn't want him at least he will have a college education. I want him to be able to take care of him or her self and never have to rely on anyone. I finish the mac n cheese; I think I will just bake it by Molly's. Molly comes from money but you would never know it. She owns the building I live in and Jake well his father gave him the fishing business he owns. I really wish I knew why Jake was meeting with Christian, I hope it's not to acquire the business. Jake's business stocks all the restaurants on the east coast with fresh fish and shellfish. He is very successful. Oh well I am not going to let that worry me.

I change quickly into my yoga pants and baggie sweatshirt. One thing I love about pregnancy is all the comfy clothes, Molly was right they are softer and more cozy than anything I have ever worn. I throw my hair up and gather the mac n cheese and walk over to her apartment. Well I should say penthouse they took two apartments and converted them into one. I knock on her door and Jake answers, "Hey Annie, come on in. How are you feeling?" I hand him the mac n cheese and rub my belly, "Like a house." He laughs at me and lets me in, "Molly your b.f.f. is here." I swear Jake is such a goof ball, "Annie you're here already?" I roll my eyes at her, "Yes I am actually on time." I sit at the island and watch as Molly finishes the chicken. She is a whiz in the kitchen. This brings back memories of watching Christian, as he would try to cook. I take a deep breath and sigh. "What's wrong with you Steele get a grip on reality. You are now Annie Sanders, you are not the same Ana Steele that Christian Grey wanted. You are different, changed." Thank you subconscious, but she is right I am changed I'm stronger and more self-sufficient, I can do anything I want and I will.

We finish up dinner and I ask Jake, "So Jake have you ever been to Seattle?" He hands Molly the plates and turns back to me, "Yes, I have I really enjoy being out there, the skyline is just beautiful and the food is wonderful, you would never believe it if I told you, they have the best French restaurant I have ever been." I look surprised Jake like French food? "Maison Grise…" I say in a whisper, "You've been there?" I nod and look away, sometimes its hard, "Damn hormones." Molly walks over with a tissue, "That's where he is from." She looks to Jake who has his head down, "Jake its ok you didn't know. It was a long time ago and trust me it's the hormones." Jake rubs my back, "Do you want me to beat the fucker up when I go out there?" I laugh and shake my head no. If he only knew he was going to be wining and dining this baby's father in the next couple of hours he wouldn't believe it. "No Jake its ok I promise. Karma. I believe in Karma." Jake kisses Molly and the girls, "I have to get going the plane leaves in two hours and you know what its like going thru security." I hug Jake goodbye, "See you soon and have a safe trip. Oh and Jake if you go to Maison Grise order the Steak au Poivre it is out of this world also the raspberry brulee. It isn't on the menu but if you ask for it they will make it" He hugs Molly once more and gives her a kiss, "Ok babe be good and I will be home soon, Annie take care of that baby. Girls behave and listen to your mother. Bye guys Love you all."

Molly finishes loading the dishwasher, "Ok I have a bunch of chick flicks and some popcorn who is in?" The girls hear her from the living area and start screaming "ME ME ME!" We finally decide on Twilight the girls start going back and forth between Team Edward and Team Jacob. I finally look at them and say, "I am sorry but I just can't resist a man who is a controlling, egotistical, megalomaniac." Molly busts out laughing and turns to me, "Oh I love me a man with a six-pack and dark eyes and as loyal as a puppy." I throw the couch pillow at her, "Oh. My. God. Molly how could you be Team Jacob. Team Edward all the way. The girls look at us like we have three heads. "You two are so weird. They are both teenagers." Molly and I look at each other and start laughing, "Miranda you know Edward and Jacob are like in their twenties." Miranda is Molly's 13 year old who is full of fire, God help Molly and Jake. She sticks her tongue out at Caroline, and blows raspberries at her. Miranda and Caroline are Irish twins. They were born almost exactly 10 months apart. They both have Molly's wit and Jake's humor, these two girls are the sweetest teenagers I have ever met. They have already asked to babysit when the baby is here. I will probably let them once Baby S is older. "No Edward is dreamy, Jacob is just so I don't know something is weird about him. I think it's his nose." We all bust out laughing and Caroline pretends to fall to the floor in agony. "Ok come on you two let's settle down so we can watch the movie." Molly gets up and puts the DVD on. We all wrap up in our blankets and for once everyone is silent.

Meanwhile back in Seattle…

"Welch what do you mean no sign of her? Five months have gone by and you can find her?" What the hell do I pay this schmuck for? How hard is it to find Anastasia Rose Steele, this isn't some common name like Jennifer Smith. For heaven's sake, come on this isn't that hard. Welch is starting to stutter, "I…sir….the last time we had anything was back at that diner. We know she threw her phone there that's all we have. She very well could have left the country." I run my hands through my hair, "For crying out loud! Well then start looking in London. That has always been a dream of her's maybe she went there." I start to pace back and forth, she is pregnant, and the money has most likely run out, she could be on the streets for all I know. Good God I am such a foolish foolish man. What was I thinking? "Yes sir I will start looking into the London lead." Welch's voice finally smacks me back into reality, "Good and I want some updates. Do you understand me? Welch you need to find her. Oh and Welch start looking for a pregnant Anastasia. She very well could have gained a lot of weight by now." I hang up with him and continue to pace my floors. God Ana I am so sorry. I hope you are safe and taking care of our unborn child.

"Gail…" I call through the intercom, "Yes, Mr. Grey." This woman is too good to me, "I will not be home I have a dinner meeting. So no need to make a meal, if you could though please have one of your amazing sub sandwiches in the fridge for me. I may get hungry during the night." A few moments go by and she call back in, "Yes Mr. Grey. It will be ready. Would you like it toasted or would you like me to do that before you eat it?" I shake my head she is just like my mother always wanting to take care of me, "Untoasted, I will toast it once I am ready to eat. Thank you." Another long pause, "Your welcome Mr. Grey."

Ok Grey time to think; I can't think all I can think about is her and my child. I was such a fool. I can't believe I said those things to her. Who am I kidding even if Welch finds her that doesn't mean she is going to want to come home with me, or want anything to do with me? I really blew it this time. I was actually starting to feel happy and safe in my world. Our world, Ana's and mine, then the blow upside the head I am going to be a father. I am not made for children. I can't be around children she should have known this, but how great would it had been to have a son, to teach how to catch a ball, or how to tie a tie, or teach how to shave for the first time. I run my hands through my hair again. "NO!" I say out loud, I couldn't be what kind of father tells the mother of his child to take care of it. I told my wife to kill our child to get rid of it, then all the other nasty things I said to her. Oh God she is never going to want me back. I close my eyes and all I can picture is a little girl with long dark hair and pale skin, she has my color eyes and looks just like me. I snap my eyes open, I think I have officially lost it. A little girl could you imagine what kind of father I would be to her. She would end up hating me like everyone else. Maybe it is better this way.

I have worked at home a good majority of the time, hoping she comes home, but everyday it's the same no news. I look at the clock and realize I should be getting ready for that business meeting. Jake is a long time friend we actually went to Harvard together, so this is somewhat a friendly dinner as well. We are going to Maison Grise, one of my many restaurants. It will be easier to discuss business there in a private room. He keeps asking me to fly out by him and meet his wife and kids. He says I would love the area, he says its more laid back and less stressful. Maybe he is right maybe I do need a change in scenery even if it's just for a week. The cape is supposed to be beautiful this time of year. Eh something to think about.

I arrive at Maison Grise and walk right in, of course no one is going to stop me, I tell the hostess to send Jake back. I immediately call the waitress over, "I will like a bottle of Merlot and two steak tartars." She writes everything down and looks at me, "Yes Mr. Grey." She turns and walks away as Jake comes to the table, I stand up and shake his hand, "Friend how are you?" I lie of course no one needs to know I made my wife leave and I haven't see or heard from her in 5 months, but hey I am all good, "I'm great how is the wife and kids?" He nods and smiles, "Great I absolutely love it." Oh I really don't need this, I quickly change the subject, "I order us steak tartare and a bottle of Merlot is that ok?" He picks up the menu, " Yes that great, so Grey the reason I asked to see is you because I have come across a business opportunity that I would like you to look over. I want to invest in this shipping company I just don't know if I should buy them out or just invest. I am leaning more to buying them out. It's another fishing company, if I buy them out I will just gain more problems but I will have access to all of their accounts, which would mean more money in my pocket. If I invest and they go under I will lose all of my investment. I just can't seem to decide." I rub the side of my face, "Do you have numbers and with you, I need to see numbers you know that." He laughs, "Of course I brought in their books for you too look over."

I nod and the waitress appears, "Ok gentleman are we ready to order?" I look to Jake and he nods as he takes sip of wine, "I will have Coq au Vin Blanc." Jake looks to the waitress and waits until she is done writing, "The Steak au Poivre please, I have heard it is the best." With that my head snaps up and I am back to reality, "Steak au Poivre is the best." I whisper, that was Anastasia's favorite meal here. Oh how I miss her. Jake keeps rambling on and on through dinner I catch bits and pieces of the conversation, nothing I am too interested in. "Are you gentleman ready for dessert?" The waitress returns with a bottle of Sauternes a French dessert wine perfect pairing for crème brulee' "Dessert for you?" I look and Jake is already to answer; "Now I heard that there is a secret raspberry brulee. Is that true?" Raspberry brulee…only Ana knew about raspberry brulee, "Jake how do you know about Raspberry brulee?" He looks at me confused, "I heard from a friend. Why Grey it's just a dessert?" I shake my head get a gripe man you are losing it. "Nothing, nothing at all." Well it looks like I may be making that trip to the cape sooner than I thought. If Welch can't find her I will and I have a good idea where she is.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The weekend comes and goes, I went to the salon and colored and cut my hair. It's very Anne Hathaway except its red like Kate Winslett's in Titanic. Jake and Molly invited me over again for dinner, tonight her sister Jess is coming over with some amazing news and she wants to share it with everyone. I can only imagine, I am hoping it's about the job she applied for in New York. She really does deserve it. She has busted her butt to get where she is. She is a master in the kitchen. She trained in Italy and France. She has wanted to get into the restaurant scene in New York for months now; I hope her dream has finally come true.

Mrs. Jenkins is going to flip when she sees my hair. She always loved my long brown hair. She said I reminded her of the story of Lady Godiva. I used to tell her, it wasn't long enough for me to do ride a horse naked. I laugh at myself, and continue getting ready. The picture on my bedside table catches my eye. I just shake the memories away. Oh Christian I was never good for you. In the end we would have just destructed each other. Me with my unsubmissiveness and you and your control this would have never worked anyway. You said it yourself, you like control and you don't do the flowers and hearts crap. I really should have listened to you then, but no I had to push for more. I ruined you. I ruined all that you stood for; I promise I will not allow my decisions to effect you any more. Good-bye Christian. I pick up the photo and place it a drawer. That is where it will stay until Baby S asks who his or her father is.

I will no longer dwell on the past. I made the right decision, maybe I was selfish but the look of pure hate and disdain when he called my child "It" made me sick. All I wanted was to protect this little person growing inside of me. I really should write my family letters and let them know I am ok. I will start that on my lunch. I owe my mother, and Ray an explanation. It's been sick months since they have heard from me. I am sure they are scared and freaking out. My mother is probably too busy with Bob to even realize I have been off the radar for 6 months.

I finish getting ready and grab my purse and head for the bookstore. When I walk in Mrs. Jenkins gasps and hold her chest, "Annie your hair, it's all gone and it's red." I laugh, "Yes I cut and colored it. Do you like?" She spins me around and examines the cut and color, "To be honest I love it." I shake my hair dramatically as if I was in a shampoo commercial, "Do you really?" She holds up a finger, "Hold on her is the true test. "Darryl come here, come look at Annie's hair." Mr. Jenkins come out from the stock room, "Holy smokes Annie you look amazing I love that color. It really brings out the blue in your eyes." I smile brightly, "Thank you guys I appreciate it, I hope Molly and Jake have the same reaction. They haven't seen me since I had it done." Mrs. Jenkins' eyes go wide, "Molly doesn't know? Oh she is going to be shocked." I laugh, "I know I can't wait." I say sneakily. She just shakes her head and continues with her work, "I'm going to go stock the shelves. I'm still trying to catch up from Christmas." I can hear Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins making kissy faces to each other, those two are still so in love with each other, I honestly think they fall back in love with each other everyday. I sigh and continue my work.

I take my lunch and go to the bistro. I pull out my paper and pen and start writing.

Dear Ray,

I am ok, I am happy and I have a nice little apartment. Please don't worry about me. I am sorry I just took off and didn't let you or mom know where I was going. In all actuality I didn't know where I was going to go. Please don't try to find me. Christian and I are over, we both did and said some things we are not proud of. Please don't be mad at me, or him. I will write more often just please don't try to find me, I am happy and I have started over. I love you with all my heart and thank you for loving me. I will always be your little girl. You are my dad and I couldn't have asked for a better man than you. I love you Ray!

I've enclosed an ultrasound picture for you to have I'm almost at the end of my second trimester. The doctor says I am doing well and the baby is doing wonderful. I will send you pictures as soon as the baby is born. Once again I love you and please don't worry I am ok and I am safe. Please forgive me.

Love,

Ana

Ok letter one done. Now time for letter two

Dear Mom and Bob,

First let me start by saying how sorry I am. I know you must be worried sick. I want you to know I am ok and I am doing very well. I didn't mean to make you worry; I just had to make sure my child was ok and safe. I know what I did was selfish, but you have to understand I have my reasons. Christian and I are over. We both said and did some things we are not proud of so please understand that I need some space.

I am also pregnant. Now before you fly off the deep end, I am healthy and so is the baby. I have a wonderful doctor who says everything is perfect. I also have a wonderful job in a small bookstore. The owners are wonderful and I have gained some great friends. Don't worry Mom I am ok. I have a great support system here and I promise you I will get in touch with you soon. I put a picture of the ultrasound in the envelope. I will send you more pictures once Baby S is here. Remember I love you and Bob both. Please forgive me and understand I am just doing what is right for my child.

Love always and forever,

Ana

Ok one more letter to go.

Dear. Grace and Carrick,

By now I am sure you are aware that Christian and I are no longer together. We both said and did things we are not proud of. I am truly sorry I have hurt you and the family, but this is the best for all of us. I am ok and I am safe. I have a lovely apartment and a great job. I am getting by and, I am also ok. Please understand I never wanted it to be like this. I love all of you. One day I hope you can forgive me. Please just remember there are always two sides to every story. Like I said I am not just blaming Christian, I am blaming myself too. Please understand and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Love

Ana

I stuff them all into their proper envelopes. I am going to mail them when I take my mini vacation next week before the baby gets here. I am going to go back to Portland. I miss the west coast. I am going to visit Madeline; we have become good friends ever since that day in the diner. Molly and Jake gave me the ticket for Christmas. They told me to visit family well I'm visiting the one person who helped me that day. She didn't even ask questions she just helped me and I will be forever grateful to her. I take a deep breath and head back to work.

I swear all I do is work, sleep, and watch movies, but to be honest I kind of like this drama free life. "I'm back." I yell as I walk into the door. "Back here." I hear Mr. Jenkins call from the back of the store. I look around and realize all of my work is done. I have everything stocked and all the books are put away. I finally have the time to sit and finish the last book in the Huger Games trilogy. I know, I know degree in literature and I am reading the Hunger Games. I am not going to lie I do enjoy it. I curl up on the couch and start to read. I finally realize Mrs. Jenkins is standing in front of me with a cup of tea in one hand and white paper bag in the other, "Whatcha got there Mrs. Jenkins?" She smiles and hands me the cup of tea, "English Breakfast tea, weak of course, and a chocolate filled croissant." My mouth begins to water at the sound of the croissant, "Oh Mrs. Jenkins you shouldn't have but oh thank you." I pull a piece of the croissant off and pop it into my mouth. It completely melts in my mouth. Oh this is just divine, "Oh Mrs. Jenkins this divine thank you. Please sit." She sits next to me and picks up my book and looks puzzled, "Yeah I know. I know." She puts the book down, "So Annie, where are you going on vacation?" I finish chewing and answer her, "I am going to Portland to visit a friend. She helped me a lot when I needed it, she just had a baby not to long ago, a little girl she named Lynne. She is really excited to see me." She nods her head, "Annie, you are coming back right?" I smile sweetly, "Of course I am coming back why wouldn't I be?" She looks down and starts to twist her fingers, and for the first time I realize how old she really is, "Annie, its just when Ben left he promised me he would come home…he never did. I just want to make sure you have every intention of coming back. I've told you before you are like a daughter to me and Darryl if anything ever happened to you we would be devastated." I lean over and hug her, "Oh Mrs. Jenkins I have every intention on coming home, I love it here to much to ever leave. This place is my home and it always will be. So stop worrying me and Baby S will be back before you know it." She nods and taps my hand; "Ok I am going to leave you to your tea. Annie don't ever hesitate I am always here for you." I nod and thank her.

I truly love these people. They are family to me and I will not move from here. It would take miracle to get me to move back to Seattle. Back to the life of always looking over my shoulder, bodyguards, and no privacy, I am done with that life. Baby S will not have to grow up with all of that chaos, I wont have it. I want him or her to be carefree, and not under the magnifying glass of the press. I don't want him to be followed on his first day of pre-school, I don't want him or her in the spot light. I just want him to grow up normal, happy and not entitled. I want to be the one taking care of him or her, not some nanny, I am his mother and I want him to know that I always wanted him. I will not speak ill of his father for that isn't fair to Baby S. If he ever asks about him I will just say he wasn't ready for child. I will always know how to get a hold of him if need be. I just hope when that time comes Christian doesn't slam the door in our child's face. I think it would just kill me.

"Hey Annie are you ready to go?" I look up and Mr. Jenkins is closing up shop, "Oh yes, I am sorry just caught in a daydream." I pack up my things and head out the door. Molly is expecting me at her house in about an hour and I promised the girls the next time I am there I will share the names I have picked out for the baby. I know they probably aren't going to approve but they have special meaning to me. However, I am not going to mention what the names are going to be, I don't want to steal Jess' spotlight tonight. She has big news and tonight is her night to shine. Its bad enough my hair is so different I can't throw this on top of that. I make my way home and back to my seaside apartment. God I love the sea air. I take in a deep breath and go up to my apartment and change into jeans and a t-shirt. I put on my chucks and head over to Molly's.

Once I get there the baby decides to do flip-flops, startling me. Molly must have heard me shriek cause she flung open the door the look of concern written all over it, "Annie are you ok?" I laugh because she is site to seen. Her hair is all over the place and she looks like a hot mess, "I'm fine the baby just did a flip-flop, " Oh she then looks at my hair, " .GOD. Your hair is all gone and its red…I fricking love it absolutely love it." She hugs me and holds the door open for me. I turn the corner to see everyone staring with his or her mouths open. I finally break the ice, "If you keep your mouths open like that your going to catch a fly." They finally all close their mouths and Miranda is the first to say anything, "I love your hair and the color is just beautiful. Mom I want my hair like Annie's" I hear Molly fake laugh, "In your dreams sweetheart learn to maintain your room then we can talk about hair." Caroline jumps to her sister defenses, "Mom really though Miranda would look so cute with short hair." Jess finally chimes in," Oh Caroline what are you trying to do get on Randi's good side? Now slide over so I can give Annie a hug and kiss her belly. How the hell are you and I think your hair is gorgeous." I walk over to Jess and hug her. I have missed this girl like crazy she hasn't been around lately, "So tell me all about your big news I am dying to know. Does it have something to do with your trip to New York?" She clasps her hands together and jumps up, "Yes, it does." We all squeal in delight, "Well tell tell lets hear it." She sits down and takes a sip of her wine, "I have been hired as sous chef at Per Se. Do you know what this means? This means my dreams are coming true and I will have attained what I always wanted to. I am working in my dream job. AHHH!" I immediately hug her and we congratulate her on the new job. That's when Caroline asks, "So Annie what are you going to name the baby?" I sigh, "Ok so if you must know Christian Raymond for a boy and Charley Greyson for a girl." Everyone stares at me, "You guys don't like it do you which one or is it both?" Molly shakes her head, "No I love it, and I especially love the name Charley Greyson." I walk over and hug her, "Thank you, you guys are the best." Ok now the names are out I can only imagine what's to come next.

We sit down and start to eat dinner, Molly makes the best chicken enchiladas I can't help but eat to helpings, "Molly you have out done yourself, these are fabulous." Molly is a fabulous cook, I love coming over here for dinner, "Oh Molly." Jake turns to his wife, "I've been meaning to tell you, I made plans this week for us to go to dinner with my old college buddy. You remember the ceo I had that meeting with, well we went to Harvard together and he is coming out this way to look at some property. I told him we would have dinner with him." I immediately drop my fork and lose my appetite, "Excuse me." I get up and rush to bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach. I take some deep breaths and try to control the urge to vomit again. This really can't be happening? Can it? "Seriously Steele what were you thinking, this is Christian Fricking Grey we are talking about here. Not some imbecile. The man isn't stupid he knows everyone and everything. I am sure he sent Jose' here to find you. That poor bastard has probably been searching every book store in the country looking for you." Will you shut up already jeez? I splash some water on my face and go back to dinner. "Sorry morning sickness…" Molly waves me off as she takes a sip of her wine, "No worries at least you didn't toss your cookies at the table." We all have a little chuckle to lighten the mood.

After dinner we settle down in the living room, Molly puts the kettle on and Jess prepares some dessert. I believe she said flan. "So Annie, my friend was shocked when I ordered raspberry brulee?" I look at Jake his face trying to read mine, "That's weird, every French restaurant I have been to, has had raspberry brulee. Isn't that right Jess? Plus my friend Kate and I used to frequent Maison Grise quit often." Jess just nods her head in agreement. This works for now with Jake, "Oh ok makes sense. Sorry he was just reading into it I guess. He was acting very weird. Oh well he was never right to begin with." Christian is perfect. Well he is fifty shades of fucked up, but still. Jake gets up and helps the girls with their homework. "Annie I need some help." I look up and Caroline is holding her English book, "Of course sweetheart how can I help you?" She hands me her laptop, "I have to write a paper, this is my rough draft can you just check it over for me." They all know I have bachelors in English. When I was in Chicago and had my identity changed they also were able to change my school records to Ana Sanders. It is as if I always existed. "Annie you should be a teacher at my school. You would be so great." Caroline says enthusiastically, " You know rumor has it they will be looking for an English teacher." I laugh at her, "Oh Caroline I don't know the first thing about teaching. English yes, but teaching not so much." I hand her back her computer, "Besides, would you really want me checking up on you? I would have eyes and ears all over the school." She grimaces, "Oh maybe you shouldn't apply." I chuckle and instantly grab her hand, I place it on my belly, "Do you feel that little bump bump?" Her eyes widen, "Is that…is that the baby?" I smile widely, "Yep it sure is." She puts both hands on my belly now, "Mom, Miranda, I just felt the baby move. Oh my God, and it was so weird, but in a really cool way." This girl cracks me up. The baby finally stops moving and she let's go of my belly, "Oh Annie, thank you for letting me feel the baby it's was sooo cool." I stand and put my arm around her shoulders, "Any time kid, now I need to use the washroom. Baby S is sitting on my bladder.

Mean while back in Seattle…

"Christian, why are you doing this. You are packing your things and setting out on a wild goose chase. Over her, her of all people, she left you Christian. She up and left and didn't even leave a note just her wedding rings on the piano." I look at Elena, and for the first time I see what a complete monster she is, "Elena, she is my wife, she is carrying my child. I want my family back! What part of this do you not understand?" She walks over to the chaise lounge chair and sits down, she crosses her legs and kicks her heels off, "Christian I thought I taught you better than that? We are the type of people who don't do family, you even said it your self, you are not father material. Do yourself and that child a favor and stay away. Everyone is better off with you here and her where ever she is, plus Christian if she wanted you to find her she would make herself known." I pick up my deodorant and through it across the room, "Will you just shut the fuck up already. Elena, when are you going to get it through your thick bleached out skull that I am not like you? I am capable of loving someone. I will not stay away from my child. Speaking of staying away from their child, how is James doing? Have you even spoken to him in the last year and half?" Elena is stunned, she can't believe I went there oh yes I went there, "That's not fair Christian, you know Linc has turned him against me. How dare you even throw that in my face?" I laugh at her, "What? You don't like when your skeletons come out of your closet? Now if you don't mind I need to finish packing. Oh and Elena I am nothing like you. You are a sad, you can have all the money in the world and the best surgeons but you are just a shell of a person. You are completely empty. Now please leave." She stands from the chaise lounge and slips her heals back on. Just before she stalks off she stops in front of me, "Sweet, naïve, Christian, you still haven't figured yourself out yet have you? You are by far worse then me. You are the most selfish, self-loathing, son of bitch I have ever met. I am at least empathetic you have no empathy for anyone. Feed the world my ass, you just do that to appease you're our demons. Call me dear when you come to your senses. I will be waiting." She shakes her head and I can hear her heals clicking on the marble tile.

I finally finish packing and I begin to pick up the remnants of my deodorant. God that woman pisses me off. Who the hell does she think she is? I am completely destroyed, and she wants me to stay here and not even check, she has to be six months along now. I bet she looks beautiful. What was I thinking? That's the problem Grey, you weren't thinking. You only thought of yourself and how your selfish needs weren't going to be met anymore. That's what you were thinking. I drop to my knees and sob. I sob like a baby; I feel like a piece of me has died, my whole world is gone. I sob so hard that I make myself sick.

I finally get myself up off the bathroom floor and look at the clock, 5 o'clock dinner should be ready. I splash water on my face and look in the mirror. The man looking back at me disgusts me. Maybe Elena was right, I am just a selfish, self-loathing son of a bitch, but even still this selfish self-loathing son of a bitch wants his child. I should have never said that to her. I replay those words in my head everyday and night. "Take care of it." I called my unborn child an it, what kind of person does that. I can tell you, one who is as messed up as they come. One whose first 5 years of his life consisted of, being hungry, abused physically and mentally, and then being saved, but the damage that the crack whore and her pimp did will never go away. No amount of therapy can help me. Maybe Elena was right, I should just do everyone a favor and stay away.


	4. Chapter 4

**To the Guest reviewer who wrote this**

**You are nothing but a fucking Christian and Ana hater, your other story was with CHristian and OC and now this shit, you have marked it Ana, instead of C/A. Why don't you fuck off, we don't want to read your depressing nasty shit. Quit writing fucking stories without C/A, what is the point of posting them on FSOG if they are not C/A story you dumb stupid bitch.**

**I am only going to say this once. If you do not like my stories please don't read them. Second of all as far as me being a Christian and Ana hater I am not. You do not know where my story is going. I am going to clarify something, I will not tolerate reviews calling me a stupid bitch. If you don't like my stories that is your opinion. Every one is entitled to their opinions. I have several wonderful reviews and I personally think you are a coward for reviewing as a guest. You do not like my stories I understand, so I will repeat myself don't read them. I will continue to write whether you want me to or not. I enjoy writing and one person's review insulting me is not going to make me stop.**

**To all of my followers**

**Thank you for encouraging me and standing by this story. You guys are great and i appreciate all of your kind words. You guys are the best!**

Chapter 4

Still Seattle…

Fuck Elena, that bitch just wants me as miserable as herself. I'm going to call Flynn after dinner. Screw it I will call Flynn on my way to the airport. I am going to the cape to find out if she is there. I need her and our child. I need her to know I am truly sorry, and I will do what ever it takes to show her I love her and our child. I finally feel like I am doing the right thing even if it is irrational and selfish. Shit maybe I should discuss this with Flynn, but then again, I am going to do what I want anyways.

I zip up my suitcase and roll it to the front door. "Gail whatever you have made smells great!" She pops her head out of the kitchen, "Chicken pot pie with parmesan and garlic bread." I walk into the kitchen and sit at the breakfast bar, "Thank you Gail, I don't always show my appreciation for you but I do appreciate all that you do for me." She nods and continues to get dinner ready, "You know Mr. Grey can I say something?" She hands me a glass of wine and I take a sip, "Thank you, and yes go on Gail." She rubs her forehead, "In my opinion and this is just an opinion, Ms. Lincoln is evil. I feel she takes advantage of you. Now Christian please don't get angry with me, but you are like a son to me, and I hate how she makes you feel. She always brings out the worst in you." I take another sip of the wine, and she continues, " , the night you left and came home drunk after Mrs. Grey told you about the baby, you went to Elena. Now, you decide to go to the cape, and who do you call, Elena. You need to stay away from her. She is poison." I don't even stop her she is making complete sense to me, "Please Mr. Grey don't be angry but you need to keep that woman away from you and your family. Ana saw the messages on your phone, she knew you ran to Elena when things got tough, instead of talking to your wife you went to Elena. Mr. Grey did you ever think she left to see if you would follow her? You know sometimes you have to runaway to see who follows you." She places the chicken potpie in front of me, "Its hot wait for it to cool a bit." I take a long sip of the wine, "Gail, why do I pay Flynn? You are right. Maybe she ran away just to see if I would follow her?" This woman is a genius, "Gail you are a genius!" She smirks, "No Mr. Grey, no genius just a woman." I laugh and for the first time in months I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Back in Cape Cod..

I leave tonight, Molly is driving me to the airport, everything is packed, and I am ready to go. I made sure with my doctor that I could take the flight and I was reassured everything would be ok. I check and double-check that I have my letters, gather everything up by the front door and look around once more to make sure everything has been done. I pull my suitcase behind me and go to Molly's; we are having dinner before she takes me to the airport. I knock on the door and Miranda opens the door, "Annie! Come in mom is in the bathroom and Caroline and I are making dessert. How are you and the baby feeling?" She gives me a big hug and pats my growing belly, "We are doing just fine sweetheart." I walk into the kitchen and sit at the island, Molly walks in and is as white as a ghost, "Molly, are you ok?" She nods and fills a glass with water, "Yeah, I'm fine just a touch of the flu. So what time is your flight?" I look at my watch, "Um 7 tonight, but I think I should get to the airport around 6." She tries to smile, "Good we have just enough time to eat dinner and get you to the airport. I made chicken tacos with lime and cilantro, and the girls made beans and rice." That sounds delicious I just hope it agrees with the baby on the plane, "Sound awesome, so where is Jake?" I look around assuming he would come and say hello, "Oh he is at the office or at some dinner meeting, I really don't know." I start to sense something is wrong, "Hey girls, could you let me and your mom talk for a minute?" They both nod and leave the room, "Molly what is going on?" She shrugs her shoulders and looks like she wants to cry, "Oh Annie, he never comes home at night. He is always busy with work, I never see him, and to top it off now his college buddy is coming in. Oh Annie I think there is some one else." She puts her head down and I give her a hug, "Oh Molly have you tried talking to him?" She shakes her head no, "Listen when I get back from Portland I will take the girls for the weekend and you and him can have a little weekend getaway, you know to rekindle the fire." She nods and wipes her eyes, "Now lets forget all about Jake's crap and enjoy our dinner."

We finish dinner and clear all the dishes away and the girls bring out the cupcakes, "Ta-Da coconut lime cupcakes." I can't help but laugh at the goofy smiles on their faces, "These look delicious I can't wait to try one." Molly brings out coffee and tea and we sit down and enjoy the last of out night. "So Annie who are you going to visit?" I look up from my tea, and place the cup in the saucer, "Oh an old friend, she helped me a lot when I decided to move out here." Molly nods, "What is her name? I have never heard you talk about any one from your past except for the baby's father, and as a matter of fact I don't even know his name." I stretch my neck side to side, "Her name is Maddie, and she was the only one who didn't question my leaving. She help me when I needed it the most." Molly nods and sips her coffee, "She sounds like a good friend. I am glad you are going to visit her, I just wish you could be here for when Jake's friend comes, I'm going to be so lonely I don't know what I am going to do. I am sure all they are going to do is golf and talk about boats and stuff." I pat her hand, "You never know, his friend may have an another reason to be here, business maybe you said he was a business man." She just shrugs; I can tell that Jake not being home is bothering her, "Annie, I hope you are right…Oh shoot we need to get you to the airport." I look at the clock oh crap she is right we have 10 minutes to spare, we clear the dishes and I give the girls each a hug, "Ok girls be good and I will see you when I get back, and take care of your mom." The girls look at each other and say at the same time, "We will." I hug them once more and Molly takes my suitcase and we leave.

On the airplane flying to the cape...

"Taylor, call Mrs. Rhodes and let her know I will like dinner. After this flight I just want a quiet dinner and a bottle of scotch." I am staying in my condo on Martha's Vineyard. I rub my forehead and pull out the picture of Ana I carry in my wallet. I miss her; I am so stupid, how could I have been so stupid. I take a deep breath and prepare for landing. I put my wallet back in my coat and close up my brief case. "Sir, Mrs. Rhodes said not a problem, you will have dinner at 8pm." I just nod and sit back. I keep thinking about what Jose said, "It's a small bookstore on the cape." He said he saw her in there working, but she acted like she has never seen her. I wish she knew how much we all wanted her home. She hasn't contacted anyone since she left. Jose has gone into every bookstore looking for her, I put him on the payroll to find her. I figured between Welch and Jose one of them would have found her. Welch has all the insight when searching for someone electronically, but Jose he knows a side of Ana that no one knows. He knows what her dreams were before me, before I threw her into a CEO position, before I changed her from the innocent girl to the woman she has become. I sit back and pinch the bridge of my nose, Flynn says I am to hard on myself but what he doesn't realize is that my life is gone. Until I have my wife and child home with me I wont rest, I wont ever be the person I was then, I will prove to her I am the man she deserves and the father our child deserves. I acted like an immature child that day. I realize now I was wrong and stupid for acting like that. I still can't believe I told her to kill my child. She must think I am a complete monster. I feel the plane descend and wheels touch the ground. "Sir I have arranged for a car to pick us up from the airport." I nod and tell him, "Thank you, Taylor, I appreciate everything you do for me. Most people would have run away from this job screaming a long time ago." He just shrugs his shoulders, "Sir, you keep me on my toes." He chuckles and stands up the plane has landed and I know I am closer to her then I was before I can feel it.

On the way to the airport….

"Now Annie please call me when your plane lands. Did you put me in your phone as your emergency contact? Do you have everything?" I laugh to myself, "Yes, mom." I say sarcastically, "I have everything, and yes I have your number as I.C.E in my phone." I start to feel butterflies in my stomach, "I know, I'm sorry Annie, it's just I am worried about you and the baby." I sigh and tap her hand, "We will be ok. I promise and I will be back in about a week, please don't worry." She nods and keeps driving, "Annie, I want to ask you something." I keep looking out the window, "Sure what's going on?" She takes a deep breath, "Annie are you really going to see the baby's father?" I can feel my eyes go wide, "What? No, Madeline does exist. I swear she does, I will even take pictures of her so you can see she is real." I am kind of stunned she would even ask me this. Little does she know she will be having dinner my child's father. "I'm sorry Annie, it's just you have never mentioned her, or anything." I shrug my shoulders, "Well I met her after I left the baby's father, she helped me without asking what was going on, and she just made sure I was safe. She gave me peace of mind knowing that I had someone out there who cared for me, and my child. At that time I was scared and alone but for some reason her friendship kept me strong. I finally got in touch with her when I was in Chicago, and ever since then we have talked on the phone or emailed each other everyday. I promise you she is real and one day you will meet her." Molly nods and keeps looking forward, "She sounds like a real good person. Ok as long as you will be ok." I smile and tap her leg, "Of course I will be safe." She pulls into the departure lane of the airport, "I turn and hug her, "I love you Miss Molly, I promise you I will have a safe trip." She hugs me harder and pulls away, "Go before you miss your plane and have a good trip, Annie Banannie." I open the car door and grab my suitcase.

The minute I step out of the car my skin feels prickly. He is here I feel him I know he is here. I just have to get to my gate. I don't want him to see me, but wait…maybe I do. Oh shit I'm so confused. I get to the security checkpoint and I wait in line until it's my turn. The security guard picks up my bag and places it on the conveyor belt and I walk through the scanner. I am only a few feet away from my gate and the sensation running through my body intensifies. He is close I can feel it. I hear them call over the loud-speaker, "Final boarding for flight 119 to Portland." Shit that's my flight number I start to hustle, I need to get on this flight.

Inside the airport…

I grab my luggage and Taylor takes it from me. As we walk through the airport I feel her, but why here why would I feel her in an airport unless…unless she is leaving here. I start looking at every woman walking past me. Every thin petit brunette woman I examine whether they have long hair or short hair, I can't let her go again if she is here I am staying here until she comes home with me. I'm staring off into space when a woman shoulder bumps me; she has her head down and is rushing past me. Her hair is cut short and is a beautiful red color. When she bumps into me I feel an electric shock run through me. I gain my balance and excuse myself. She just keeps walking passed me without acknowledging me. How rude. I hear over the loud-speaker again, "Last call for flight 119 to Portland." Maybe the woman is about to miss her flight or something. Taylor finally gets my attention, "Sir, this way the car has pulled up by the arrivals." I look toward him and realize he is already around the corner. Any other time I would have been angry with him, but under the circumstances I was the one not paying attention.

Once I get into the car Taylor sits up front with the driver, I pull out my phone and put up the privacy glass. I need to call Elena and tell her to stay away from me. I am done with her and bullshit. She wants me as miserable as her. I will not be the male version of Elena Lincoln. I will be happy and I will be with my family if it kills me.

I punch in Elena's phone number and wait for her to pick up, "Hello lover, how was your flight?" I roll my eyes when ever she talks to like this it makes my skin crawl, "Elena enough. Listen, I am done with this." I sit and wait for her response, "Well then baby just come home, and forget about all of this family crap." I take a deep breath, "Elena what do I have to do, I have told you before and I will tell you again, I don't want you that way. What we had was a sick and twisted affair. " I don't even wait for her to respond, I just keep going, "Elena you need help, and I want you to stay away from me and my family. My mother wants nothing to do with you and frankly if there was not a statute of limitations I would have thrown your ass in jail. So once again Elena, stay away from me, and my family and that includes Ana and my child. This friendship is over and you are officially cut off. If you do not go with what I want I will ruin you. Esclava will be mine 100 percent and you my dear will be broke. Stay away from me. Do not contact me, do not show up at my house, and do not show up anywhere I am. If you do you will be removed forcefully. Is this understood?" Dead silence on the phone, until I hear glass breaking, "Christian, I made you. You will always belong to me remember that sweetheart. Everything you are is because of me…" I don't let her finish I calmly say goodbye to her, "Goodbye Elena, have a nice life." and I hang up the phone.

For the first time I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel free from Elena's spell. She can no longer control me, or my life. I take a deep breath and prepare to enjoy my vacation. Even if I don't see Ana out here and Jose is wrong I am still going to enjoy myself. Jake and I are going to do some catching up and I am finally going to meet his wife Molly. I'm meeting her at dinner this week. I am also going to be seeing the fishing company he wants to buy. I take another cleansing breath and lean back. I should I arrive at the condo soon and Mrs. Rhodes will have my dinner ready and hopefully a stocked bar.

On the plane to Portland….

I pull out the letters and look at them, I know I didn't put an ultrasound picture in Grace and Carrick's letter. I'm still debating on doing that. I don't want them to hate Christian. I didn't even tell them about the baby. I just don't want them to be angry with him. He is my fifty, he even told me he was fifty shade of fucked up, but even still I love every shade. I think I will always love him. He is the father of my child. I pull out my Hunger Games book and begin to read I hope this flight is smooth. I have a layover in Chicago. Thankfully I don't have to get off the plane I can just sit here and wait for the plane to get fuel and for the other passengers to get on. I am also lucky no one is sitting next me. I am able to spread out and relax.

I lean back and start to think back, do I have everything? Yes I have everything. I really should have apologized to that man I ran into. I didn't even pick up my head, but he smelled amazing, he was wearing the same cologne Christian wears. When my shoulder touched his I felt…Oh my God I ran right into Christian. It had to be I knew he was there I felt him when I got out of the car. Tears start to fill my eyes. I can't believe he didn't know it was me, but then again I do have short red hair and I have gained some weight. I can't blame him though I have gained weight and I do look completely different now. I close my eyes and fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Back in the Cape…

I've been here for a few hours and I am still going over in my head what happened with Elena, I feel completely free and for once I don't feel haunted by my past. I finally realized what a sick woman she is and how she completely fucked my whole outlook on relationships. She taught me how to be the bastard I am and how to completely destroy people.

I need to find Ana and prove to her I am not the monster she thinks I am. What I did was selfish and unforgivable. I can't blame her for running away, I just need a few moments with her, I need to apologize and beg for her forgiveness. I will do whatever she wants and if that means she wants a divorce then so be it.

I pour myself another scotch, I start pacing back and forth tomorrow I am going to go with Jake to see the fishing company, then I plan I stopping by the bookstore, I'm not going to go in I'm just going to go past and maybe look in the windows to see if I see her. Yep back to my stalker ways, what can I say old habits diehard. I know Jake is going to ask why I didn't bring Ana, I know he is dying to meet her; I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. He wasn't able to come to the wedding we go through this periodically where we don't talk to each but when it comes down to it we are always friends. He has never met Ana the same way I haven't met his wife Molly yet. From what I hear Molly reminds me a lot of Ana. I could see them as good friends.

I look at my Rolex, it's the one Ana gave me. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had just finished a very stressful acquisition and I wanted to celebrate. I came home and started looking for Ana. I looked all over that damn apartment and I finally found her wearing only the Rolex, my grey tie, and a pair of black Louboutins. She was sitting in my office chair with her legs crossed up on my desk. Her voice was breathy when she looked at me and said, "Welcome home Mr. Grey, I do believe congratulations are in order." I took her right there and then. Afterwards she slipped the Rolex on my wrist. She had it engraved" To my favorite Ceo. With love always and forever Ana.

God! I miss her. I run my fingers through my hair and take a long drink from my glass. She has to be about 6 months pregnant. I wonder if the baby is a boy or a girl. "Grey, you are the asshole who threw her out, you told her to take care of it. What did you think was going to happen? She would put her tail between her legs and allow you to walk all over her like you always do? Her motherly instincts kicked in and guess what she was and is still protecting your child." Thank you voice of reason. I appreciate it.

I shake my head I know what a bastard I have been, but I feel I am taking a step in the right direction. I am completely done with Elena, I have been faithful to Ana this whole time, I have also started seeing Flynn twice a week and I am mentally the healthiest I have ever been. Well with the exception of my stalker tendencies, and maybe my inability to be completely control free, but I am trying. "Mr. Grey, there is a phone call for you." I stand and walk towards Mrs. Rhodes, she hands me the phone, "Hello, Grey here." I can barely hear the woman on the phone, "Christian, my phone is breaking up…it's Kate…" I shake my head confused, "Kate what is wrong is something wrong with Elliot?" Great just what I need, "No…Chicago….Airport…Red hair…Ana" I can barely understand her all she I can grasp is Chicago, airport, red, and Ana. "Kate I can barely understand you. Your phone is breaking up horribly." There is a long pause "I will call you when I get to my grandparents house." I nod and answer her, "Ok, Kate talk to you then."

In Chicago…

I can't believe they need us to get off the plane to check the engines. I messaged Maddie telling her I would be delayed and that I will call her once I landed in Portland. I decide to walk around for a little bit, I want to get a piece of Connie's pizza while I'm here. I heard there was a stand in the terminal. I walk and find it, I order a slice of deep-dish sausage and a sprite. I make myself comfortable at a table and begin to eat and read my book. I can feel someone watching me as I look up I see a blonde woman from a far talking on her phone, I swear she could be Kate's long lost twin sister. I'm starting to think this might very well be Kate. The woman walks over to me, "Ana?" I give her the same look as I gave Jose. I so want to reach out and hug her, I have missed her so much. I wanted us to go through my pregnancy together. I have to stop. I have to let her know it's me and I am ok. I have to stop this I have to let my best friend know I am safe and not to worry about me.

I just stare at her as tears flow from my eyes, "Ana, it is you isn't?" I just hang my head and look down at my pizza. She pulls out the chair across from, "Ana, we have been so worried about you." I know she is angry with me and is trying to hide it, she is doing a good job of it I will admit, "I know." is all I can whisper. I start to sob and I blot my eyes, "Ana what happened? All Christian keeps saying is he screwed up and he can never undo the hurt he has caused you. Oh and by the way the short red hair is very chic, I love it." I laugh at her just like Kate to change the subject to hair. "Oh Kate it's a long story, but please don't let him know you saw me. I can't bare the thought of seeing him right now. The hurt is too much and besides stress isn't good for me right now. " She looks at me puzzled, "Ana are you ok? Are you sick or something" I shake my head, "No not sick." I give a smile and stand up so she can see my growing belly, "OH! Ana, when are you due? Does Christian know?" I nod that he knows, "That bastard! I can put pieces together, I know exactly what he did." I reach out and touch Kate's hand, "Kate he is complicated, I am not saying what he did or what he said was right, but he is complicated. I left because I had no choice. I am protecting my child, I hope you can understand that." She nods and looks at me, "Ana, I miss you." I nod again, "And I miss you too, but trust me Kate, it is better this way. Please I beg you please don't tell anyone you have seen me here. I promise I will give a call once the baby is born." I take a sip of my sprite and I that's when I hear the boarding call for my flight, "Oh Kate I have to go my flight is leaving…" She cuts me off, "Anna I called Christian I told him I thought I saw you, I am so sorry." I hug her, "Its ok but I have to go. I love you and I will touch base with you. Don't worry about Christian I doubt he is even looking for me." I hug her once more and we part our ways. I am going to miss her but at least she knows I am ok and so is my child. I stop and turn, "Kate, please tell my mom and dad I'm ok." I wipe tears from my eyes and head back down the terminal.

I find my seat on the plane and get comfortable. Eventually I know I am going to have to bite the bullet and contact Christian, but for now I am going to just try and relax I don't want to think about him and his bullshit. I want to think about being in Portland and being in my hometown. I miss the smell of the air out there. Don't get me wrong the cape is great its just Portland will always be home. I think I may go drive by my father's home I miss him and I just want to see him.

Back in the Cape…

"Kate! I want to know what you saw!" I hear her stumbling I know she is lying and I swear if she has news about my wife and child she better tell me, "Christian, I made a mistake, the woman wasn't her. I am sorry. Now Christian I am hanging up now. I want to visit with my family. Goodbye." She is hiding something I know and she hung up on me. She fucking hung up on me. Think Grey think. She said red hair and Chicago in the first call. I think back to what happened in the airport with that woman running into me. She had red hair short red hair, and when I felt her touch I had electricity shoot through me. She smelled so familiar, she smelled of home…Anastasia…she smelled of Ana. Holy hell that was Ana, once again I was wrapped up in my own shit and I walked right into her. What have I done? I am such an idiot.

I run my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. Ok Grey, obviously Kate saw her in Chicago. Now what? Do I stay here or do I go to Chicago? No stay here. She will be back if she is working in the bookstore, there is one thing about Ana she has wonderful work ethic. She will be back. I take another deep breath and close my eyes. I will find you my love, I will find you and our child. "Taylor!" I yell for my right hand man, "Yes, Sir." I want him to find her I know she was in Chicago. I need to make this right and I soon. I don't want to miss anymore of this pregnancy. "Ms. Kavanagh called I believe she saw Ana in Chicago. Taylor I want you to call Welch and fill him in. I do believe Mr. Rodriguez was correct about seeing Mrs. Grey here. " He nods and leaves the room. Now just to find her so I can grovel and beg for forgiveness.

In Portland…

A very happy Madeline greets me, she runs towards me and throws her arms around me and hugs me. "Annie how are you? I am so happy you are here. She pats my belly and takes my suitcase. "C'mon lets go I can't wait to get you back to my place." I follow her out to the parking area and we drive back to her place. As we are driving I start to think of the many times Christian and I drove to Portland. Driving in the R8 was always so much fun. I miss that Christian. I miss the man who could make me laugh and could tell how I felt just by the look on my face. The man who I fell in love with was a messed up but not a monster. The man I left that day is a monster. I take a deep breath and sit back in the seat of the car. I remember we were going to a business dinner and I wore a dress and it slide up slightly and Christian saw the lace form the top of my thigh high. I remember how his hand felt on my thigh. He was so turned on we had to pull over. "So Annie what do you want to do? I am sure you are exhausted from your flight with jet lag." I shrug my shoulders, "Well I was thinking the baby is kind of hungry how about lets go to the diner. I really love the rolls there." She just laughs at me, "Annie you haven't been here in how long and all you want is the rolls from Sander's?" I just nod and she smiles and we drive to the diner.

A few days have gone by and I really want to take a trip up to Seattle there is a few places I have missed plus I want to go to Escala. I know he isn't there because he is sitting in the Cape right now. "Hey Maddie how about a drive up to Seattle today? I know this great little bistro we can go to for lunch and plus I want to visit a friends home." She looks at me with a big grin on her face, "I thought you would never ask oh we can leave in a half an hour I will drop the baby off at my mom's lets go get ready."

I take a deep breath and get ready. I know I will be seen on the surveillance cameras but frankly I don't care. I want to see my old home and I just want to lay on my old pillow. I miss Gail's mac n cheese and most of all I miss our lazy Sundays together. When Christian and I would sit and relax on the couch and just talk for hours. I wanted to know everything about him and him about me. What he doesn't understand is that I will always love him. No matter what he may think I still love him I just cant be with someone who wants to hurt our child. I sit down and write him a letter. I think its only fair I explain myself to him.

Dear Christian,

Where do I begin? I think often of the first time I met you. Kate was supposed to interview but she was sick, and she conned me into doing it for her. The day I stumbled into your office will live forever in my memory. I was never more nervous in my life. You did something to me then, and frankly I thought you were an arrogant asshole. Ha-ha. I couldn't get you out of my head. You were in my dreams every night, and my thoughts every day. I couldn't stop thinking of you. I knew then something special was to come out of our relationship. I knew that beneath the entire hard exterior there was a man who was kind and capable and all deserving of love.

Christian, the night Charlie Tango went down and I thought you were dead, I started to shut down, I couldn't talk I didn't want anyone to even sit by me. All I wanted was you, I wanted to feel your arms around me to tell me you love me and that you were ok. I new before you left my answer was yes. I planned on marrying you all along. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. The day we got married I thought that was going to be the greatest day of my life. I was going to be with you for the rest of my life. I was supposed to grow old with you Christian. We were supposed to have children and grandchildren. I wanted to live forever with you. I had plans for us. There were things we were supposed to do.

I went to Dr. Green the morning I told you about the baby. You were the first person I told. I didn't even tell Kate or my mother. They still don't know. Christian, I didn't get pregnant on purpose like you may think. If anything I was just as shocked as you were, but that day in the office when I heard our child's heartbeat, I became overwhelmed with love. Love like I have never felt. I had a part of us growing inside me. A part of you and me, we created a life together. Every time I feel the baby move or kick I become filled with joy. Our child is a blessing. At the end of the day Christian there will be a child with your curls and my eyes, and a love of books and business. A perfect combination of us.

Christian I don't blame you for the way you reacted, I knew before I married you that you are complicated. As you put you are fifty shades of fucked up, but I loved you and I will love our child. You would have been a wonderful father, but like you said you didn't want any kids and as you said I should take care of it. Well Christian just so you know I am taking care of it by loving and caring for my child.

This baby means the world to me and I feel sorry for you because you choose not to experience this miracle. Please take care of yourself and I will always love you and don't worry I wont tell the baby or anyone who his or her father is.

This is the last time I will cry over you. I am stronger and wiser. I am not the same girl who left here that day. I am letting go of the hurt and the anger I feel towards you. I will take care of my child and I will provide for them. I will be ok I have everything I could need. Goodbye Christian.

Please don't try to find us.

I will always love you

Anastasia

I put an ultrasound picture inside the envelope and seal it. "Maddie I am ready can we leave soon?" I walk into her room and she is changing the baby, "Yes I am ready whenever you are." I smile and laugh, "Ok lets get moving."

We drive the four hours to Seattle and I tell how to get to Escala, "Ok I want to drop a letter off to my friend. Just park in the underground parking and I will be down in a few minutes." She looks at me confused, "Annie who lives here this building is huge." I smile and say, "Oh just a friend ."

I open the door and exit the car. I am positive the code is the same I punch in the code and sure enough the elevator opens and I head upstairs to the pent house. The doors open. I am greeted by a familiar scene, the foyer hasn't changed it still has the same ugly vase on the long table and the wallpaper is just as hideous. I had been trying to get the building to change the décor in the hallway. I open the front doors and nothing has changed here as well. No one is here so I know I have the whole place and I don't have to worry about anyone finding me.

I go straight to the bedroom. I lay on the bed breathing in his smell. The bed smells of Christian and I instantly feel comforted I want to wrap myself up in the comforter and fall asleep like I used to. I go into the closet and see that he hasn't gotten rid of my things I grab a pair of my favorite heels and some other items I have needed. I leave the note on the bed and head down the hall. I come up to the guest bedroom, or should I say probably his latest sub's room.

I open the door just to see if anyone has been using the room. To my surprise the room is decorated in yellows, greens and browns. There is a beautiful crib, a changing table and a rocking chair. In on corner I see a bookshelf completely covered in books and in the other there is a bassinet. Instantly tears fill my eyes. A nursery he created a nursery. This room is our child's room. I close the door and hurry out.

I need to get out of here. I have an urge to get back to the cape, to get far away from here as possible. I miss Molly and the girls. I find Maddie waiting in the parking garage. I open the door and turn to her, "Lets go eat shall we?" She smiles and starts the engine.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Back at the Cape…

I've been here for three days already and now I have to go to dinner with Jake and Molly. I get ready and I meet at their place. I have Taylor drive me there. I go up to their apartment and knock on the door. I hear a woman call, "Just a minute." That must be Molly. I wait patiently until someone opens the door. "Hello, you must be Christian. I am Molly, Jake's wife please come in." I smile and walk into their home. Its not lavish but it is homey and comfortable. "Hello Molly, Yes I am Christian. How are you?" She smiles and nods, "I am good thank you. Please have a seat." She motions to the bar stools and I sit down, "Would you like a glass wine?" I give her a half smile, "Sure white preferably if you have it." She laughs, "Christian in this house wine is a staple." She laughs. I can tell she is nervous, I try to get her to relax, "Molly you have a beautiful home and the location is great." She hands me my glass of wine, "Thank you Christian. I've heard your home is pretty incredible, Jake says you have floor to ceiling windows over looking Seattle." I nod, "Yes the view is very nice."

I remember the first time she saw them. Ana was in love with the view she would just look out them staring for hours. She always said that was her favorite part of our home. She loved sitting and just watching the sky. I'm dying over here and she has no clue. She thinks I am a monster I know I deserve everything but I want my child at least. If she wants nothing to do with me then fine but I want my child to know whom his or her father is. "Christian, hey buddy, how you been?" I look up and Jake is finally in the room. He was a senior when I was a freshman. After my first semester I left and shortly after that he met Molly, they got married what seemed like right away and then she got pregnant. They are very happy with each other. I can tell they both love each other very much. Seeing them together just makes me miss Ana even more.

The next day in Portland…

"Annie what is going on? You have been acting weird since we left that apartment building." Ok how do I explain that I broke in basically to my husband's home snooped around left him a letter and basically told him I don't want to be with him, then I walk into the spare room expecting to see his new sub's belongings and what do I find a baby nursery. I believe I should be acting even weirder. "Oh um its just, uggg how do I explain." I take a deep breath and exhale, "Maddie the apartment I went to was my old apartment. My husband still lives there. The day I left I found out I was pregnant and to make a long story short, it was better at the time that I leave. When I went back my code still worked to get into the building, so, I went upstairs, I miss my old life with him. When I was there I wanted to see some things, I went into the master bedroom, my clothes were there and so were some other things I don't remember buying. I lay in the bed and all I wanted was to feel his arms around me. I miss him Maddie, I miss him like crazy, and I don't feel complete with out him…" She stops me," Annie Sanders now you know what you should do don't you?" I just shrug, "You need to find him, I'm sure he is sorry for what he did and I can tell you are just as miserable. Don't you want Baby "S" to have both of you? Don't live the life I am living, my baby's father is no where to be found and I struggle everyday to make ends meet, but anyways what else did you find?" I hang my head low and whisper, "The guest room…is a nursery…" Her mouth drops open, "Well Ms. Sanders I believe that says it all. The man obviously wants his child if he didn't why would there be a nursery in the home?" I pop my head up, "Oh holy hell you are right." I grab her in a hug, "Oh Maddie you are right he would have had a guest room not a nursery. Oh Maddie it was beautiful, light yellows, light green and brown. He made it gender neutral, I need to see him."

We need to make a plan. "Maddie, I need your help. How would you feel about coming to the cape with me for a few days? Oh and don't say you cant afford it, I have a savings account here that has enough money to supplement the trip for us." I never closed the accounts with my name on it, I had two since I was born that are at the Portland Savings and Loan. These accounts have only my money in them Christian never put money in them. I don't even think he knew I had them. "Well Maddie get packed we are going to the cape." She giggles and starts packing her bag. I call the airlines and get two tickets for the last flight of the night, "Maddie before we leave tonight we need to get back to Seattle I have our flight leaving out of Seatac so we don't have to drive back to Portland." She finishes packing and we leave the baby is coming with, I carry the baby carrier and place her in the car.

We arrive at Escala just on time. I tell her to pull into

"Ok Maddie, come up with me I need to get the letter and one of the maternity dresses he put in my closet." She looks at me strange then looks at her outfit, "Don't worry it's a private elevator no one will even see you it will be fine." She nods her head and we exit the car, I take the baby carrier and open the garage, "No one is here Gail is off and so are the rest of the employees so no need to worry." She taps my arm, "I'm starting to think you are worried, Annie, you technically still live here. So they cant throw you out." WE both laugh and I punch in the code for the apartment. "Annie did you just punch in the code for the penthouse?" I nod sheepishly, "Annie what is going on here? I have so many questions, I knew the day I met you something wasn't right and those men who came into the diner were kind of scary, so tell me I deserve to know. I never asked because I felt that when you are ready to tell me you would, but since the baby and I are going to the cape I think you should tell me." I take a deep breath, ok here goes nothing, "I will when we get into the apartment, you will see." She shakes her head, the elevator doors open up and I punch in another code so the door unlocks, "Christian, I wasn't expecting you home…" A familiar voice calls out, fuck

I didn't know Luke would be here. Shit. I hear his footsteps getting closer from down the hall, he turns the corner and that's when he sees me. "Ana…" I put my head down in shame and Maddie is scared I can tell, "Luke, I am home. Where is Mr. Grey?" That's when I hear Maddie gasp, "You are Anastasia Grey?" Luke looks at her in disbelieve, "Who did you think she was of course this is Anastasia Grey." I can see Luke looking Maddie up and down inspecting her for something, "This is Annie Sanders… That's what you wanted to tell me. Well Mrs. Grey, I am Madeline Stone, it's a pleasure to meet you." I look at her with tears in my eyes, " Maddie please don't be made at me. You know I had to be careful." She nods, "I'm not made at you Maddie I remember what happened that day I met you. This goon," she points her finger at Luke, "searched the whole diner and wouldn't listen when I told him you left and I had no idea where you were headed. Then another man came in questioning me if you had eaten and what you ordered, he had some kind of complex about you eating." Luke finally chimes in, "You were rude I asked you a simple question and you were complete rude and annoying." I can tell these two are going to go for each other's throats. I have to change the subject, "Luke where is Mr. Grey. I need to speak with him." He laughs, "Looking for you. He went to the Cape Cod area, Mr. Rodriguez said he saw you there." Jose is a trader. "Ok I need to gather some things and I will be back in the Cape by tomorrow morning. Luke do not tell him, I want to surprise him. Do you understand me?" He grabs my arm and pulls me towards the kitchen, I sense anger in him and then he blows "Do you have any idea how much we have been worried about you and the baby? Do you know what a complete mess he has been? Do you have idea the damage you have done?" I put my head down anger starts to fill my body, "The damage I have done? Luke you don't know the half of what happened. Did Mr. Grey tell you how he threw a stack of money in my face and said to take care of the problem? Did he tell you how he called the baby an it? Did he mention any of this to you?" The look on Luke's face tells it all, "I didn't think so, so before you go accusing me of causing damage, you really should get your facts straight. Oh and Luke the next time you speak to me like that you will be terminated. I am not the same Ana that left here that day. The door mat is gone." I turn and head upstairs, "Maddie please come upstairs I need to pick out one of the dresses I told you about. Oh and Luke you might want to check the security tapes, I was here yesterday. You know how he can be. If he checks the tapes to see a woman in his apartment snooping around he will have all of your asses. I would delete that tape as soon as possible."

We go up stairs and Maddie takes the note and hides it in my suitcase. I am packing the maternity clothes, considering I really do need them and I want him to know that I was home. I go and get my shampoo the lavender vanilla one, "Annie, I am not angry with you, I just wish you would have told me all of this but I understand you were trying to protect Christian and his family. I respect that." I drop the dress in my hand and walk over to her and hug her, "Thank you Maddie you have been my rock through all of this you and Molly. I love you guys." I release her and the phone rings in the nightstand. "Annie you should answer it I bet money that Luke called Christian and he is calling the house." I shake my head no, "What if it isn't him." She smiles and laughs, "And what if it is him?" I get the courage and walk over to the phone and pick it up, "Hello?" nothing just dead air, "Hello?" I ask again, "Ana…" Dad…."Ray, its me, Oh Ray I miss you. I am home, but I have to go and tie up some loose ends back in Cape Cod. No one knows I'm back and please…" He cuts me off, "Anastasia Rose, I just received your letter and I am going to be a Grandpa in a few months its seems. When will you be back here I have already called your mother and told her about the letter, and the baby, she is flying up here, I told her I thought you might be in Portland because of where it was mailed from." I take a deep breath I will back in about 2 weeks. I promise I will be back and you will see me, but right now I have to go. I love you Daddy and I promise to be home soon." I hear him exhale, "Ok Annie I love you and call me when you land in Massachusetts." I quickly respond, "I will and I love you Ray. Bye for now." Tears flow and I can't stop them, I miss my father and I know now he will be waiting for my return.

I finish getting ready I already know when and how I will see Christian and I just hope it plays out how I see it in my head. I leave the bedroom and close the door behind me. "Maddie are you hungry?" I ask her as I head to the kitchen, "A little but I can wait until we get to the airport. I still can't believe you are Anastasia Steele. I am kind of stunned." We both laugh, Luke interrupts us, "Ana, listen I am sorry for what I did, and it is good to have you home," He walks over to me and hugs me, "also I cant wait to see the look on Grey's face when he sees you. Oh I'm coming with you, because I wouldn't miss this for anything." I hear Maddie gasp in disgust, "The goon is coming with us? Uggg. Really?" I look at her and laugh, "Who do you think you are calling a goon? You stubborn…I don't have any other insult but give me time and I will come up with one." I can sense some tension between Luke and Maddie this should make for an interesting trip. Maddie sticks out her tongue and Luke rolls his eyes. I just shake my head. I hope these two don't make me crazy. I already know I have one crazy man to deal with now these two.

"We need to go we are going to be late." I state firmly and finish up my food and place the dishes in the dishwasher and start it up. "When is the flight?" Luke looks up from his sandwich. "In about an hour." He shakes his head, "Ana, GEH 2 is here. Lets just take it so we are comfortable and can relax on the flight." I hate to admit it but I agree with Luke, "Ok Luke you have a point. Maddie, you can relax with the baby the plane has a bedroom, so you can put the baby down for a nap." Her mouth drops open, "Seriously, Sanders you are so secretive." I feel like a real shitty friend right now. I have been so secretive with her and Molly. Shoot Molly, I better call her and give her a heads up.

The Cape…

Dinner was wonderful the only thing missing was Ana. Molly is a wonderful woman and she is good for Jake. They invited me over this evening for a glass of wine. I enjoy their company and I hope to remain in touch with them and not disappear off the face of the earth again. I hope to have them out to Seattle I think they would enjoy themselves.

I pull up to their building and park the car I had Taylor take the night off. He needs a break from me, I know I am a mess right now, always barking order and yelling. I need to give that man a raise. I gather my phone and realize there is a message from Ray.

Ana sent me a letter. She says she is pregnant. WTH is going on.-RS

Whoa wait a minute. I need to read this again. She contacted Ray. I need to know everything.

Ray what did she say-CG

She is ok. The baby is ok. Christian what is going on?-RS

Ray it's a long story when I get back I will let you know. I will be back at the end of the week.-CG

I shove my phone in my pocket and exit the car and go upstairs to Jake and Molly's. I knock on the door and Molly greets me, "Christian come in, Jake is in the study. Would you like a glass of wine or bourbon?" She hands me a cigar and lighter, "Bourbon, please." She smiles and I follow her into the study, "Christian, you made it, I'm glad." I shake Jake's hand and Molly hands me the bourbon. I light my cigar and take a seat on the leather couch. I can hear someone's phone ring and immediately check mine, "Oh excuse me." Molly stands and walks out of the room.

Ana's Apartment…

"Molly, I am home, I need you to come to my apartment I need to talk to you." Silence on the other end oh this isn't good, "Annie you are back? Is everything ok?" I swallow hard, "Yes I just need you to come here so I can talk to you. Please don't tell anyone I am home until I talk to you." I hold my breath I am so nervous right now, "I'm coming I will be right there."

Thirty seconds later she is knocking on the door, "Annie, what's wrong?" I hug her instantly, "Oh Molly please come in, this is Luke and this is Maddie." She shakes their hands and sits on the couch, "Annie what is going on?" I take a deep breath and blurt out, "The baby's father is Christian Grey." Her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open, "Annie… you are Anastasia Grey. You lied to me. You lied to me about everything." I hang my head down and tears run down my cheeks, "Molly I am so sorry." She stands up and I know she is angry, "That man sitting in my study drinking bourbon and smoking a cigar is your child's father?" I drop my glass of water and it shatters onto the table, "He is here?" She nods, "Yes upstairs in my house! I want to go and smack the shit out of him for doing what he did to you. That bastard." I grab my keys and head to the door, "Annie, where are you going?" Maddie stands up and goes to follow me, "Enough is enough, I need to see him, he needs to see I am ok and I have been taking care of my child." Molly follows me and so does Maddie, "Hey Goon are you coming with?" Luke looks around as us women are leaving the apartment, "Um I figured I would stay with the baby that is sleeping in the next room." Maddie smacks the side of her head, "Whoops my bad. Thank you." She flashes him a quick smile, and keeps following us.

I am standing outside of Molly's door, it's now or never, I guess. Molly opens the door and I follow her in, I take a deep breath and walk into the study. Jake sees me walk in and stands, "Annie, your home…" I completely stop listening when I see him. He faces me, and his bourbon goes crashing to the floor. "Anastasia…"


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok so I guess the cliff hanger was bad huh? lol. I finished up this chapter tonight so i hope you guys enjoy it. I want to say thank you to all of my followers and for all of my wonderful reviews. You guys really know how to make a girl feel good. Thank you again and you because of you I have continued this story I will try to update every few days just have patience with me.**

Chapter 7

Molly and Jake's apartment….

I stand in the doorway. I can't move. His face is pale and he looks like hell. What happened to him? I can't speak I can't even move. I keep my head high for I know I was only protecting what is important. My child. Everyone leaves the room and we stand there staring at each other for what seems like forever. Neither one of moving. We stand there in silence. That's when the baby completely shifts from one side to the other. I put my hand on my belly, I look down and smile. I whisper to my belly, "Its ok, sweet pea, don't worry." I look back up at him and his eyes are still focused on me. They haven't left. He runs his hands through his hair. I know this, this is a sign that he doesn't know what to do either that or he is frustrated. "You left me. You promised you would never leave me." I look at him and shake my head, "You gave me no choice." I feel anger rising in me and I know I have to squelch it. "I did what I did to protect my child." I take a deep breath, "Our child." I can't help but laugh, raise my voice I know I should but I do, "Our child…our child…since when has my child become our child?! Last I heard you considered MY child an it." He starts to walk from one end of the room to the other, "FOR CHRIST SAKES…you knew how I felt about being a father and you did this behind my back!"

We get into a screaming match, each one of us getting louder than the next. I am surprised no one comes in the room. I shout at him, "You have no idea what you did to me or our child as you seem to think. Hey Christian did you ever once wonder about me. Tell me Christian how many subs. Go ahead I know your usual one every three months so what about two? Or better yet when was the last time you saw ELENA?! I know she was at the house I smelled her fucking cheap perfume!" I put my hand over my mouth shit, he is going to know I was at the house and I know all about the nursery. I am not going to let him get off easy that is not going to happen. "Wait you were at the house?" Now I put my head down. What do I have to be ashamed of? I was in the home I shared with him. My things are there. "Yes I was, I was there two days ago. Don't change the subject Christian. When was the last time Elena was in the apartment? I smelled her perfume all over the master bedroom!" I'm getting really pissed now and he can tell. My arms are waving and I'm talking with my hands. He knows I only do that when I'm angry.

"Yes I saw Elena and yes she was in our room but if you think for a second anything happened you are wrong!" I shake my head, "Whatever Christian, it's a moot point, you always run to her. Be as it may if you think for one second I will allow her or her ways around my child you are sadly mistaken. Christian to be honest the man I saw the day I left I wouldn't want him around my child either. That man was a monster and frankly I know how you are, and your old habits die-hard. I'm not stupid Christian…"

He walks over to me and embraces me roughly, I fight back but he just holds tighter, "Stop Christian it's not going to work. Not this time Christian." He kisses the side of my head, "Oh Ana, I have missed you. Please these past few months have been torturous. I love you I want you and our child please don't do this" I pull away from him, "Christian I'm not the same person I was. That Ana is dead she is gone. I am now self-sufficient I have my own money and I am not going to tolerate your dictator like rules and control issues. I am done with your bullshit and drama. At first I was devastated but then I realized something, I realized that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted in my life. Christian you were the end all and be all, I drove clear across the country and I survived, I proved to myself that I can do anything and I don't need…" He shuts me up with his mouth he kisses me, and my body betrays me, I accept his kiss and I feel the electricity run through me. I feel it in my soul. "We need to talk." He says as he pulls away. "Ana I never stopped loving you. You say you were at the house, did you look around?" I don't know what I should do, should I lie and tell him I didn't see the nursery or should I just let him know. I can't lie the security tapes would prove me a liar, "Yes I did, can we discuss this later? I am exhausted and I need sleep. I have had a long day and all I want is my bed and pillow." He steps back and looks at me, "Ana have you eaten? You need to eat. Are you taking your prenatal vitamins? Those are very important. DHA is very important for the baby's brain development." I shake my head and pull out of his grasp. "I am going back to my apartment. Goodnight." I turn and walk away.

I get into Molly's living room, everyone is staring at me, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight." I leave her apartment I just want to go and take a hot shower and cry myself to sleep. I get to my apartment and Luke is playing with baby . He looks so natural caring for the baby. "Hey Luke I'm going to shower and go to bed. If Mr. Grey comes here please tell him I specifically said I don't want to be disturbed. I just can't deal with him and his craziness." I walk into my bedroom and gather my shower things. I turn the water on and it starts to soothe my aching body. I know people must think I am selfish but for fuck's sake he said he wanted my child gone, but then he goes and makes a nursery for the baby, he knows all about dha and prenatal vitamins. I snap my eyes open. He has followed this pregnancy, he had to have read the book What to Expect When You Are Expecting. I can't give in I have to be strong he has to earn my trust back. He has to show me he wants not just me but the baby as well.

Back in Molly and Jake's apartment….

"Grey, you do know she has been here all along and now it's all making sense to me." Jake is sitting across from me and Molly is shooting daggers in my direction, "What do you mean?" He just smirks, "Molly mentions that I am going to Seattle to have a business meeting with you, and Annie or Ana swerved almost off the road, the way you acted when we were at the French restaurant, how Anne got sick when I told her you were coming in to town, everything it all makes sense. I also have a strong urge to kick your ass. "I put my head down I am sure these two people know what I did to her, "But I wont because I am only going to tell you this once…FIX IT!" I nod I know he is serious I can tell they both really care about Ana. She is a wonderful woman I destroyed her. I need to fix this. Molly says something that finally snaps me out of my thoughts, "Sometimes you just want to see who follows you." I pick up my head, "Molly are right…" I get up and gather my things, "What apartment is her's? I'm not going to lose her again, it's not going to happen." Molly looks kind of lost at the moment, "Um 432…"

I thank her and leave I need to go to Ana's apartment. I stand outside her door, I am so nervous, just before I am about to knock on the door I hear a man's voice. What the hell is going on, who is in her apartment? I knock on her door, before I loose my nerve, "Boss, listen it's not what you think…I caught Ana in Escala and I told her I wasn't going to let her out of my sight that is why I am in her apartment." He is so nervous I can only laugh at him, "No worries Sawyer, thank you for making sure she was safe, where is she?" He shakes his head at me, "I'm sorry sir I am under strict orders from Mrs. Grey not to let you in, but I guess if you threaten me with losing my job then I guess…" I look over Sawyer's shoulder and I see her standing in the hallway her hair wet and in an oversized t-shirt and yoga pants that hugs her new curves, the baby belly looks wonderful on her. Pregnancy has been great to her. "Its ok Sawyer I didn't think I would be sleeping tonight you might as well let him in."

She walks into her kitchen and I follow her, she takes out two teacups and starts the water in the kettle, "Ana, I am sorry for what I did. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I know it doesn't excuse my behavior but for what its worth I am sorry." She just shrugs, "It is what it is Christian, we just need to figure out what we are going to do about the baby, how we are both going to raise him or her. You live in Seattle and I live here, clear across the country." I start to feel sick I know what she is implying, "Ana you will come home and we will be a family. What's to figure out?" She just shakes her head, "Mr. Grey, I told you I will not put up with your dictator ways and frankly you are demonstrating that to me now." I take a deep breath I have to stay calm I start to count to ten in my head, "Ana I want you to come home, I want the baby to sleep in his or her nursery, please Ana we can work this out I know we can." She shakes her head and the tea kettle starts whistling, "Ana I know that was you I bumped into at the airport, I felt it, the electric shock and I know you feel it too every time we touch. Ana we are soul mates and you know we are supposed to be with each other."

I see her take deep breath and place two teacups on the kitchen table, " I will be right back I have to go to the bathroom." She excuses herself and I sit looking at papers on her table that's when I see the envelope with my name on the front. I try not act like the old Christian but I can't help myself I want to see what is in the envelope, I take it and put it in my pocket. Ana comes back and sits down across from me, "Christian I really don't know what to say." I take her hand, she doesn't pull away so I assume this has to be a good thing, "I've missed you. Please tell me about the baby. Does he or she move a lot? Have you been craving anything strange?" She rubs her eyes, "Come…" I follow her into her room where she lies on the bed, "Watch…" She lifts up her t-shirt so her belly is uncovered, she takes the wind up music box and winds it. Transcriptions by Bach plays, "That's the song I played on the piano the first night you slept at Escala. The first time I made love to you." She closes her eyes and tears prick at the corners. "I know." That's when I look and I watch the baby dance inside her, she takes my hand and places it down and I feel my child move, "Oh Ana I am so sorry. I didn't know, I…" Tears are filling my eyes, I am a grown man, and I am over come with emotions that I can't explain. I bring my head to her stomach and I kiss it, "Hello baby, I am your daddy and I love you, I am so sorry I have been such an ass but I promise you I will be here from now on." I look up at her and she crying, sobbing actually, "Ana, I am not leaving, I am going to earn your trust again." The music box stops and she sits up, I lean over and cradle her in my arms, "Ana, I love you, I will be a good father. I promise you. I cut Elena off the minute my plane landed here. Baby, I promise you I will prove to you, I am changed, these last 6 months have been torture on me."

She relaxes against my chest and for once I feel whole. I will have my family together again. I messed this up and I will fix this. I kiss the top of her head and hold her tight. As much as I want to sleep next to her I know I shouldn't. "Christian, I do love you I just…" I stop her, "Shh don't, just let it be for now. I am not lying I will gain your trust again. Can I take you to breakfast tomorrow so we can talk?" Her big blue eyes look up at me all puffy and red, "That's fine, I really need sleep. " She yawns and closes her eyes, "She didn't tell me to go but she didn't tell me to stay either, I lean down and kiss her forehead, "I'm going to go, goodnight Ana. I will see you tomorrow." She smiles in her sleep, "Christian we are both adults and its late and I am sure you are staying at the house in the Hampton's, just sleep here." I smile from ear to ear, I watch as she scoots to one side of the bed, and slide in next to her. The feel of her warmth next to me is something I have craved for so long. I don't dare try anything I want to earn her trust. So once she falls asleep I go and sleep on the couch. The old Christian would have tried to get her naked, but not now.

Following morning…

I wake and feel for Christian, he isn't there and I all of sudden feel sick. I sit straight up and run to the bathroom. Nothing but bile comes up. I thought this morning sickness crap was supposed to end. It must have all been a dream. I swear I thought Christian was here with me. I was starting to feel better, but he isn't here. I hear a knock on the door, "Just a minute. I am almost done." I stand up and rinse my mouth out and wash my hands. I open the door and it wasn't a dream he is here and he is standing in front of me. "You are here? It wasn't a dream." He smiles his playful Christian smile, "No baby, I am here. How did you two sleep?" He leans down and kisses my belly, "Good just a little confused. Um do you still want to go to breakfast?" He looks up at me and smiles, "Yes, or I could you make you something. Gail taught me how to make pancakes and sausage." Who is this man? He cooks? "Gail taught you to cook? How funny, what did she get sick of having to cook for you?" I can't help but laugh, "No I just wanted to learn how to make pancakes, I wanted to surprise you one morning with breakfast in bed and with my culinary skills."

I laugh at him and go into my bedroom and start making the bed. "Ana…don't let me do this for you." He takes the comforter out of my hands and starts to make the bed, "Can I ask you something?" He looks up at me nods, "What are you doing? Why are you doing all of this?" He drops the comforter and sits on my bed, "Ana after you left I couldn't get out of bed, I could think of anything but you and the baby. Ana when you were at Escala did you look around or did you only go into our room?" I sit next to him and I realize I have to let him know I seen the nursery, "Christian if you are asking me if I saw the beautiful nursery you created for the baby, the answer is yes. I did see it and yes it is very beautiful." He takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes, "Ana, I started getting the interior designer to come to the home the day you left, I wanted you to come home to see that I do want the baby, but you never came home. I left it that way because I knew you would be home with the baby, I knew you would be home eventually. The red room is also gone, that is now a play room, now don't get me wrong I didn't get rid of everything if you know what I mean." I smack his arm playfully, "Christian why did you do that?" He shrugs and looks down, "I didn't want my child to know anything about that. There are some things better off not speaking of especially in front of children. Ana, I want a home with you and our child." I kneel in front of him, "Christian look at me, I love you I do, we just need to start over. I want us to be good better than good I want us to be the greatest couple that ever lived, before we even think about the baby and I moving back to Seattle.

His head falls lower, "Ana, I can't live without." I lean in and gently kiss his lips, "I'm not saying you will have to live without me. All I am saying is we can't go from zero to one hundred over night, lets take this slow and steady." He nods, "I guess I can live with that. Now get dressed so I can cook you pancakes." I stand up and grab his hand, "Look the baby is moving again." I place his hand on the top of my belly, "Ana that is so amazing. I can't believe I was so stupid." I stop him with my finger to his lips, "Did you learn from the situation?" He nods again, "Yes I did." I bend down and kiss him again this time with my fervor, his hand wraps around my waist and pulls me to him. He holds me tight and I pull back, "Good." I pull away and kick him out of my room so I can get dressed. Oh this man is going to be either best thing or the death of me.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**OK because I got confused between The Hampton's and Martha's Vineyard I really mean Christian is staying in Martha's Vineyard and not the Hampton's. I do apologize for the confusion. **

I am still on vacation so we spend the next few days just catching up. Maddie and Sawyer have picked on each other nonstop, and Molly and Jake have invited us to go to dinner with them. I am happy I grabbed the maternity dresses from Escala along with my red bottom shoes. If I'm going to dinner with my husband I need to make sure I look the part of Mrs. Christian Grey, not Annie Sanders. I have spoken with my mom and Ray, I just told them that Christian and I had a really bad fight, we said some things and I needed a break from life. My mother of course didn't buy it but she didn't push like she normally does. This weekend My Mom, Bob and Ray are coming to the Cape. Christian is flying them here so they can see me, and my big belly.

I finish showering and styling my short hair. It's long enough now that I can somewhat style it with out it laying flat against my head. I slip into my black knit and lace dress. Christian took me shopping this week, he has been really sweet not pushing moving back to Seattle, just being carefree and kind. I haven't seen this Christian in a long time. We even went to the baby boutique in Boston. He says he isn't leaving me, even if he has to transfer everything here he isn't leaving me, or the baby again. I put on my diamond earrings in and walk out of my room.

Luke is sitting on the couch holding baby Rebecca, "Luke it looks like you have grown fond of that little girl, if you don't mind me saying." He gives a wide toothy grin, "Yeah what can I say? Did you know her father isn't anywhere to be found? How could anyone leave his or her child? I don't understand it. I think that is why I am so angry with Mr. Grey. My father left when I was 3 and I never heard from him again. My mom and him divorced when I was three and then one day he stopped coming over to see. I remember being that little boy standing in the window waiting for him to come. He said he would teach me how to play catch when he visited me. Ana he never came. I was crushed. Just keep that in mind. If Grey wants to leave he is better off doing it now not when the baby can remember him." He cuddles Rebecca and looks down at her, "Something smells awful. You my dear need a diaper change." He stands and walks into the spare room, "Luke, I hope one day, you find that special someone, you would make a great father, never doubt that." Just then I hear a knock on the door. I take a deep breath and open the door.

Christian is standing there with a bottle of apple juice and I can only laugh, "For my love. I figured you would be out, and I remember you saying you wanted apple juice." Its little things like this he has been doing. Ordering my shampoo from Seattle, just sitting and really listening to me, and besides it's only been a few days, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I still don't trust him to keep his anger in check. He hasn't mentioned moving to Seattle anymore I think he realizes that I'm not going to just jump and do what he says. That girl is gone. "Ana, everything ok?" His voice snaps me from my thoughts, "Yes everything is ok, are you ready?" He takes my hand and we got up to Molly and Jake's.

"You look beautiful, Mrs. Grey." I take a deep breath, "Thank you. You're not so bad yourself." He leans down and kisses me. His lips feel like heaven and I just hope he remains being the way he has been. He is staying at the house in Martha's Vineyard and I'm staying in my apartment. Molly opens the door and welcome's us in, Jake is putting his coat on and afterwards helps Molly with hers. Its unseasonable chilly tonight, "Shall we go, the reservations are for 6."

We arrive at the restaurant and are seated immediately. "Molly how are the girls? I miss our movie nights can we have one soon." I ask her, I miss my friend since Christian has been here we really haven't seen each other. Maddie and her have hit it off so I am glad for that, "They are good, and we miss you too. To bad someone is being selfish and keeping you all to themselves." We all laugh and Christian chimes in, "Hey listen I haven't had her for over 6 months what do you expect." He says and kisses my cheek I place my hand on his thigh and he jumps only slightly.

Dinner goes well the men talk about business, while Molly and I talk about the baby and the girls. " Annie, when is your next appointment with Dr. Moore?" I know she can't wait for the baby to be born, "This Saturday, are you still able to take me?" She nods and right before she speaks Christian, cuts her off, "Molly I can take Ana to her doctor's appointments no need to worry…" Molly throws her napkin down, I can tell she is pissed, "Excuse me? Let me just say, I have been there for her, every time she was sick I was there, when the doctor couldn't hear the baby's heart beat, you know who was there for her? Me and I will be damned if you think because all of sudden you are suddenly ok with a child that you are going to take that away from me. So Mr. Grey I will be taking Ana to her appointment you can come with if you must but I will be there." Christian sits back in his chair, I can tell he isn't comfortable with Molly's confrontation, "Molly I didn't mean anything by it I just thought I could you know step up, I am sorry if I stepped on your toes, and what do you mean the doctor couldn't hear the baby's heart beat? Ana, you never once told me that."

I really wish this dinner were over already I can't stand the tension, I sip my lemon water and call the waiter over, "Can I have a soda water and lime." I say to him, Christian is staring at me and I try to ignore him, "What? I am sorry were you talking to me?" I know exactly what he said I just don't want to get into this, "Why couldn't the doctor hear the baby's heartbeat? What happened?" I rub my forehead, I just want to go home, "Um the baby wasn't cooperating." I drink my soda water, and rub my forehead again, I'm just not feeling well. Saturday will be my 30 week check up and I'm just so tired. Everyone finishes his or her meals we are supposed to go back to Molly's for dessert. She made chocolate soufflé, but I'm so tired I honestly could fall asleep right here. "Ana, are you ok?" Christian leans in and whispers, "Yeah I'm fine just a little tired that's all. The baby wears me out." Molly smiles and looks at me, "Wait until you have three A.M. feedings and you are so tired you can't see straight. That's when you call me and I come and help, but I know you will want to do it all yourself, just remember I am here." She flashes Christian a go ahead and say something and I will cut your head off look. "Thank you Molly. I do appreciate everything."

We get back to Molly and Jake's apartment, and I finally have the nerve to ask Molly why she has been so rude to Christian, "Molly what is going on? Are you ok?" She puts the kettle on the stove and sits next to me, "Yes. There is in fact, I personally want to throat punch Christian Grey every time I see him. Now you can be pissed at me all you want but frankly what he did to you still pisses me off. Annie, when you came here you were lost and broken. I remember sitting on your couch while you cried, you told me you missed your mom and dad, your friends Kate and Mia, when I asked you why you couldn't call them or talk to them you remember what you said to me? You said you couldn't let them know where you were because he would find you. Well, guess what, now when I see him acting all lovey dovey and trying to be the number one dad it makes me want to puke. Annie I am worried he is going to take you away from us, all of us, the Jenkins included, those two love you and this baby is the closest thing to a grandchild they have ever experienced. I know eventually you will have to go back to Seattle but dammit, we love you too." I lean over and hug her, "Molly I don't plan on leaving any one or any time soon. I want Dr. Moore to deliver the baby and plus, its only been what a week or two since he came here, and honestly I'm just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don't worry I am not going anywhere."

"So that's what you're waiting for?" I hear Christian's voice from behind me, "Christian, I…" He puts his hand up and I stop, "I know I have made mistakes but I am trying, I really am." He picks up his coat and kisses me on the cheek, "Oh and Molly I understand how you feel, I hate me too. Goodnight." I sit there stunned I think I may have lost him forever. What do I do? Oh my God I can't do this

I get up and kiss Molly on the cheek, "I have to go, and I have to explain myself to him." She just shakes her head, "Wow Annie you jump through hoops for this man. He is the one who was eavesdropping not you. This is how you feel why do you have to explain yourself? Listen I just worry about you and I don't want you getting hurt again by him." I hug her tight and kiss her cheek, "Thank you, for caring about me, and the baby."

In Martha's Vineyard…

I finally get the nerve to open the envelope I found on her table, it's a letter addressed to me

Dear Christian,

Where do I begin? I think often of the first time I met you. Kate was supposed to do the interview but she was sick, and she conned me into doing it for her. The day I stumbled into your office will live forever in my memory. I was never more nervous in my life. You did something to me then, and frankly I thought you were an arrogant asshole. Ha-ha. I couldn't get you out of my head. You were in my dreams every night, and my thoughts every day. I couldn't stop thinking of you. I knew then something special was to come out of our relationship. I knew that beneath the entire hard exterior there was a man who was kind and capable and all deserving of love.

Christian, the night Charlie Tango went down and I thought you were dead, I started to shut down, I couldn't talk I didn't want anyone to even sit by me. All I wanted was you, I wanted to feel your arms around me to tell me you love me and that you were ok. I new before you left my answer was yes. I planned on marrying you all along. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. The day we got married I thought that was going to be the greatest day of my life. I was going to be with you for the rest of my life. I was supposed to grow old with you Christian. We were supposed to have children and grandchildren. I wanted to live forever with you. I had plans for us. There were things we were supposed to do.

I went to Dr. Green the morning I told you about the baby. You were the first person I told. I didn't even tell Kate or my mother. They still don't know. Christian, I didn't get pregnant on purpose like you may think. If anything I was just as shocked as you were, but that day in the office when I heard our child's heartbeat, I became overwhelmed with love. Love like I have never felt. I had a part of us growing inside me. A part of you and me, we created a life together. Every time I feel the baby move or kick I become filled with joy. Our child is a blessing. At the end of the day Christian there will be a child with your curls and my eyes, and a love of books and business. A perfect combination of us.

Christian I don't blame you for the way you reacted, I knew before I married you that you are complicated. As you put you are fifty shades of fucked up, but I loved you and I will love our child. You would have been a wonderful father, but like you said you didn't want any kids and as you said I should take care of it. Well Christian just so you know I am taking care of it by loving and caring for my child.

This baby means the world to me and I feel sorry for you because you choose not to experience this miracle. Please take care of yourself and I will always love you and don't worry I wont tell the baby or anyone who his or her father is.

This is the last time I will cry over you. I am stronger and wiser. I am not the same girl who left here that day. I am letting go of the hurt and the anger I feel towards you. I will take care of my child and I will provide for the m. I will be ok I have everything I could need. Goodbye Christian.

Please don't try to find us.

I will always love you

Anastasia

I drop the letter to the floor. I. Am. A. Monster. I run my fingers through my hair, she didn't want me to find her, she wasn't going to tell my child about me, all along she was protecting not only our child but me as well. She was making sure that I couldn't hurt her or the baby again, and she was protecting me by not telling anyone whom the baby's father is. She is the greatest and strongest woman I know.

"Mr. Grey, there is someone here to see you." Taylor walks in and snaps me out of my thoughts, "Ok I will be right there." I tuck the letter back into the envelope and place it in the bedside table. I take a deep breath and go into the living area, and there she is sitting on the chaise lounge looking out onto the ocean, "Anastasia? What is wrong?" She stands and walks over to me, "Nothing Mr. Grey, nothing at all. I just needed you to know something. Well two things." She wraps her arms around my neck and looks deep into my eyes, Her blue eyes burning into mine, "Am I nervous about starting over with you? Yes I am nervous and yes am I leery, oh you have no idea, but the one thing I am sure of is I do love you. Oh and I took the last ferry here for the night so it looks like you are stuck with me for the rest of the night." She smiles and bites her lower lip. A sly smile creeps across my face. "Oh Mrs. Grey, how very irresponsible of you to do that." She pulls away and walks over to the balcony and stares out the French doors.

I wait a bit before I walk over to her, but when I do I slide my arms around her waist and rest them on her belly. I lean down and kiss the right crease of her neck where her collarbone meets her neck. She accepts my kisses by extending her neck to the side; I reach with my left hand and cradle the side of her face. "Mr. Grey I don't know if this is right?" I chuckle in her neck and stop kissing her, "Not a problem Mrs. Grey." I stop and release her, I sit on the couch, "Are you thirsty? Can I get you anything?" She turns and walks over to me, standing in front of me she looks down, "Yes you can do something for me, " She straddles my lap and hold's the back of the couch, "I want you to tell me something." I look at her with love in my eyes, "Anything. What do you want to know?" She slides closer to my chest and leans down and whispers in my ear, "Tell me you love me. " I smile and lean back, "I. ."

With that she takes over my mouth and I can no longer control myself, I want her, I have wanted her for so long. I tighten my grip on her and I can feel myself growing underneath her. I don't want to stop but I don't know if this is right, fuck it, this is my wife and I need to feel her all of her. She pulls back and bites her lower lip, "Why Mr. Grey I do believe you are happy to see me." I laugh and look up at the ceiling, "You could say that." I slide her off my lap and stand up, she looks at the ground, she thinks I'm rejecting her, oh no sweetheart I am not rejecting, "Come…" She stands up and takes my hand and I lead her to the bedroom. "Ana, I don't want to do anything you aren't ready for. I know it's been a while and I haven't been the best of husbands or the best of fathers but I want to make it up to you and the baby." She looks up at me and whispers, "Shut up, don't ruin this just let it go." I pull her closer and lose myself in her.

We explore each other all over again. It is like we are doing this for the first time, awkward and clumsy. The thing is though it is the most pleasurable thing I have experienced. Her body is just beautiful, her breasts fuller, her ass softer, she is all around sexy as hell. She feels amazing wrapped in my arms, her heat radiates off of her and is all-consuming. I am completely lost in her. We finally become one with each other and I feel whole again as I fill her she fills my soul. We can't get enough of each other. Before I even realize we are both spent and fall to the bed. Lying with her and my child wrapped in my arms I realize this is all I have ever wanted.


End file.
